Isaacs Picture Conclusions

HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES (2003) TWO TOP HATS

I’ve spent a few days after watching this trying to determine exactly what it is about this movie that I dislike so much. I mean, I dig Zombie and I really like Devil’s Rejects. I thought Halloween was decent (but 2 sucked ass). This wasn’t too gruesome or anything and it was basically just an hour and a half long music video so, I guess, if I had to pinpoint it, it would probably boil down to the fact that it doesn’t have any sense to it and the dialogue was awful and SCREAMED the entire time. Well, let me ask some questions:

Why does Sherri Moon (Zombie) scream every one of her lines Baby-Talk Style?

Why do we have to endure dialogue like this throughout:

Stucky: Hey, I know you. You work down at the hardware store. Richard Wick right? All the guys make fun out of you. They call you ‘Little Dick Wick.’ They even sing a song about you.
Richard Wick: Shut your trap.
Stucky: ‘Little Dick Wick, played with his prick, don’t his smell just make you sick?’

or this:

Captain Spaulding: You miserable motherfucker, I ought to leap over this counter and bash your fuckin’ balls in!
Killer Karl: All right, Tippy! Hand over the cash box, and I might leave your brains inside your skull!
Captain Spaulding: Well, I’ll tell you what, Ski King. Why don’t you just take your Mama home some chicken and then I won’t have to stuff my boot all up in your ass!
Killer Karl: I don’t like chicken! And I hate clowns!That is it! I’m gonna count to ten and you’re gonna hand over all the cash, or I’m gonna splatter your grease paint mug across the state line! One…
Captain Spaulding: Fuck yo mama!
Killer Karl: Two…
Captain Spaulding: Fuck yo sister!
Killer Karl: Three…
Captain Spaulding: Fuck yo grandma!

(ugh)

Why does the Firefly family act like this? Why do they kill and scalp and torture? Why do they all scream at each other? Why do they turn Dwight Schrute into half man half fish? Why does Otis wear that chick’s dad’s skin as a skin suit? Why are there cannibals living underground? Why do they play that stupid slow-mo speech? Why is Otis so obnoxious and stupid? Why do they wear masks at dinner? Why do they dress these victims up in bunny suits? What does the scene with Sherri Moon’s ass all out have to do with anything? Why do they put on those big paper mache masks to go bash in that car? Why is Otis hiding in the back of the clown’s car?

I know a lot of people like this movie but I guess I just don’t get it. Horror send up? Horror comedy? Horror to appease an ego? I don’t know but I didn’t like it ten years ago and I didn’t like it last week. I say fuck this thing and check out Devil’s Rejects instead.

Oh yeah – my responsibility to The Good and Beloved Reader – what’s this about? Dwight Schrute (Rainn Wilson) and three of his pals end up lost somewhere, get tortured and killed all to the rocking sounds of Zombie’s favorite songs, peace out. Let me say again – I like Zombie and two of his movies, and I think he would be the perfect director for the movie I’ll never finish the screenplay for (RH), but, to me, this and Halloween 2 were real pieces of shit. One TH for the fairly cool, slo-mo, three minute video sequence at the one hour mark and one TH for the crew that did the set design and makeup but the rest of this can eat some shit. One last thing that I just thought of – to me – this is like the Anchorman of recent horror: “LOOKIT LOOKIT LOOKIT HOW OBNOXIOUS AND LOUD WE ARE LOOKIT LOOKIT I HAVE A BONER LOOKIT LOOKIT I ATE CAT POOP LOOKATME LOOKATME!!” in the manner of: “LOOKIT LOOKIT LOOKIT HOW OBNOXIOUS AND LOUD WE ARE LOOKIT LOOKIT I’M WEARING A SKIN SUIT LOOKIT LOOKIT WE’RE DRIBBLING FOOD ALL OVER OUR MOUTHS BECAUSE WE’RE SO REPULSIVE LOOKATME LOOKATME!!” Oh well, enough of this.

***

So this is one of those old posts I warned told you about the other week and this is what I was afraid of – ever since leaving work last week I haven’t been really too motivated to do any writing except for on this one recurring piece that starts Friday. I’m also sorry that I haven’t been to your blogs as much – it’s not that I’m abandoning you, I just SUCK at doing things on my phone and am not particularly good on the iPad when it comes to the reader and such. All this is just to say that I’ve been reading your stuff, I just haven’t been able to comment as much… tomorrow I have another interview with this company I applied for so we’ll see how that goes! Keep up the good work!!

65 comments

  1. I actually liked this much better than “Devil’s Rejects”. Something about DR just rubbed me the wrong way (kinda like you and this one I guess). I can’t really tell you WHY I like this one…it’s certainly not because it breaks boundaries or brings us something new and exciting. But the first time I watched it that family really and truly did creep me out.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Damn…I thought I had left a comment on this one the other day, but I guess it never went through…must have been the stupid app on the phone, oh well. Basically what I said was, I really liked this movie and watched it a few times. You made some valid points about why this movie is slightly obnoxious (to put it mildly) but at least for me, the characters were memorable and that Firefly Family is so messed up, they would be scary to come across. I really can’t wait for Zombie’s next one called, Witches of Salem, and some other movie he’s got in the works based on 1970s hockey.

    Liked by 1 person

    • theipc

      I figured I would be in the minority when I set about to do this because I know a lot of people really like this thing but, like I put it – a lot of this didn’t really work for me. Oh well – I’ll always check out a Zombie flick and I too am looking forward for Lords of Salem. I am unfamiliar with the hockey thing – I remember he was making something like “Machete” a while back – did he pass on that? Was it called Tyrannosaurs Rex? I thought it was some old wrestler that decided to become a vigilante..? Is it a hockey player? Are we thinking of the same thing?

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I think it’s a hockey movie based on the old Philadelphia Flyers “Broad Street Bullies” teams from the 70s. I’m sure the violence in hockey – especially from the 70s – really drew him in.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I like your new blog header Pen! Very mysterious O _ o o _ O

    Good review even though you don’t love it 🙂 I agree one of the most annoying things about this film (and Devil’s Rejects) is Sherri Moon Zombie! Her voice and her LAUGH are awful.

    I actually kinda like this one! Though as with all Rob Zombie films I feel as though something is missing – like he doesn’t quite hit the mark of what he’s trying to achieve, but…….it’s still pretty fun. It’s just one of those movies where a few little tweaks could have made it a lot better. I prefer it to The Devil’s Rejects though….!

    Liked by 3 people

    • theipc

      Thanks Clam!! That’s actually a night view of the road next to the place that we’re going to be shooting this weekend : )

      I think you’re EXACTLY right about Zombie’s shit – there’s always just one piece missing… (I kind of think that about Christopher Nolan’s films too – I hope that doesn’t get me lynched)….

      Love Pen!!!

      XXXXXX

      Liked by 1 person

      • Wow!!!!! That’s so cool!!!!!!!!!!

        #raisinghell
        #devilshed
        #seanpertwee

        Yeah there’s always something missing, it’s like I KNOW EXACTLY what he’s trying to do or achieve but he doesn’t quite reach it…..

        I may have to give Devil’s Rejects another try (I do it have it on DVD) I always find it pretty cool for the first 30-45 minutes then I just think it tails off. Doesn’t Sherri Moon Zombie just start shouting about ice cream until the song more famous for being in Cannibal Holocaust plays in the background?!!!!

        I certainly don’t love House of 1000 Corpses but it appealed to me more.

        Love Clam!
        P.S I missed a ton of tweets over the weekend, sorry!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxx

        Liked by 1 person

      • theipc

        HAHAHAHAHA!!!

        #devilshed

        It’s been so long since I watched it (TDR) I just remember liking it more. I think because more happened in the daylight and I could actually see what was going on…

        #oldeyes
        #megutscoop

        Love Pen!!

        O _ 0 < 3 o _ O

        Like

  5. GaryGreg828

    1. Zombie’s Halloween 2 was absolutely atrocious!

    2. House of 1,000 Corpses was terrible; lame dialogue (as you pointed out) and Chris Hardwick was the most annoying horror character since Jack Black’s rastafarian caricature in the Know What You Did Last Summer sequel.

    3. The only good moment of House of 1000 was when Captain Spaulding said “Why are you asking so many jackassy questions?”

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Rainn Wilson will always be Dwight Schrute now! Doesn’t matter what movie he does.. Dunder Mifflin forever. I feel ya that’s why I can’t get anything done, I hate reading and commenting on my iPad and phone, it just never feels right. Feels like too much work. Missed you!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. 1) I really disliked this movie. REALLY REALLY disliked it.
    2) Don’t feel guilty about being out of commission. I think you have generated enough content, comments, and good will to buy yourself some time whenever you need it.
    3) Good luck with the interview.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Ah man, I thought this was awesome, but I can see how Zombie’s films aren’t going to be for everyone. Sorry you didn’t enjoy this more my PSC, but I am glad that you liked The Devil’s Rejects at least!

    Like

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