Isaacs Picture Conclusions

THE MINUS MAN (1999) TWO TOP HATS

minus1

The truth behind this movie is that a long, long time ago I had a friend who moved to Texas. One summer when I was languishing in the worst job I’ve ever had, I took a weekend off and drove down to see him where we dabbled in Texas beer, Valiums and sat down to watch Bottle Rocket. That was probably the best time I had that entire year so I still look back at Bottle Rocket as a good memory and my favorite Wes Anderson film and I figured the two of us and the cast of “BR” were all good buds. Then my good bud Owen Wilson popped up in Armageddon and I was suspicious that he was Selling Out and I would have to go find him and slap him around a little bit (but I didn’t) and then this came out on DVD. I still like Wilson although now he’s famous so it’s a different story but, in 1999, I don’t think he was ready to carry a film because this isn’t very good.minus2

In this thing, Wilson plays a drifter who never likes to settle down. He’s come from Oregon to this nondescript town and decides to rent and move into a room in Mercedes Ruehl’s (her character) house. He has visions of being interrogated by two cops – one is Dwight Yoakum and one is the guy who does all of the All State insurance commercials here in The States. Everyone loves him, including Janeane Garofalo back when she was still cute, because he’s laid back, slow talking, handsome and on the side, he’s a serial killer.minus3

“I’ve never hurt anyone” he solemnly reflects over voice over, “They just go to sleep and they never wake up……” which is about what happened to me while watching this movie the other day. It’s funny, when I was looking for images for this post, I came across this very small poster below. I stretched it out to make it bigger so now it’s blurry but I think this really sums it up:

MINUS6

This movie was so boring I can’t really even think about much else to say about it. Take the following picture and kind of look at it for an hour and a half and you’ve got it:minus4This movie isn’t BAD or anything, it’s just, well, there you go. There’s a line that he recites a couple of times in this thing that might help me finish this up.

“When I was young I was lying in the grass and a spider crawled in my ear.”
*pause for effect*
“Then he crawled out. Nobody home.”

That seems about right with this one.

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