Isaacs Picture Conclusions

THEY CAME FROM INSIDE THE BOX!! EPISODE 1

A long time ago I put a widget on my sidebar reminding myself of shit that I watched but still needed to write about. It was mainly for my own good but then I got notice that I was losing my job and my creativity and desire to do some good writin’ kind of petered out so I just sat around watching TV until my last day and then I’ve sat around watching TV ever since the end of August. My point is that I’ll NEVER get caught up and I’ll forget what I watched and what it was about so I thought maybe this would help me out. I know nothing will really help me out because I’m the April Fool but maybe this will help me get rid of the backlog. We’ll see!

Presenting:

THEY CAME FROM INSIDE THE BOX!!!

thebox

UNDER STILL WATERS (2008)

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THREE TOP HATS

I really only rented this because I think Lake Bell is totally hot and it wasn’t too bad. I didn’t really believe that she was married to Jason Clark (or his character) but she didn’t disappoint in the sexy nightgown and silky evening dress department. In this, her and her old man go out to their lake house where, as usual, they almost run over some pathetic hitchhiker on a remote road where no one would really be walking and then they take him home. Soon there’s tension all over the place and someone has a gun and – well – you probably know what’s going to happen there. There’s not really a big twist like they tried but it wasn’t too bad. I’m not one of those guys who only watches things that I expect to like – so trust me – you’ve seen MUCH worse but…

THE VOICES (2014)

TV1THREE TOP HATS

*minor spoilers*

I was intrigued by this because I like Reynolds, Kendrick and Arterton but I don’t really care for talking cats and dogs. I also like slasher movies and things that are in HD so I gave this a shot and thought it was just OK. I didn’t really buy into Reynold’s cutesy-pie moo-cow nice guy act and Arterton was out of the picture early. One thing I was totally impressed with is what Reynold’s life was like in “real life” when he was off of his meds. That was absolutely genius but there was just too little of it. And too little Arterton. If you’re not familiar – Reynolds is a serial killer who is on some serious drugs, his pets talk to him and he just wants to find love. Also – this may or may not be Gemma:

GAGIF

CAM2CAM (2014)

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TWO TOP HATS

I’ve seen this movie around for what seems like five years even though IMDB has it marked as 2014 and never felt the need to get into it. I know everyone thinks I’m the Boobs and Blood guy but this one didn’t appeal to me so much. Then one day I gave it a watch and I – well – let’s list what I didn’t like (which may not be the movie’s fault):

  • It wasn’t HD
  • Most of it was shot in the dark so, since it wasn’t HD, I REALLY couldn’t see what was going on
  • Nothing against the Thais, but I really couldn’t tell that much of a difference who some of the Thai characters were (both physically and character wise)
  • To be honest, I had trouble telling who the Caucasoid characters were too – I remember this one person showing up later who was a big plot move and I had no idea who she was
  • The “short-hand” these people used in their TMs and IMs was a little dumb
  • There was very little Blood and Boobs

I won’t be the guy who says he hated it but I didn’t love it. Like – a long time ago, Scrotey and I got loaded and I ate a heaping tablespoon of flour. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world but it wasn’t that wonderful. At least I didn’t lick the stick of deodorant like my friend P__ did….

STONEHEARST ASYLUM (2014)

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THREE + TOP HATS

This one came as a recommendation from my (our) dear friend Kim and I liked it! I didn’t love it the most but it was a lot better than some of the shit I look at. I kind of figured out what was going on early so the twistiness of it didn’t really do it for me like the BIG twist at the end of Pitch Perfect 2 (did you guess who the killer was in PP2?????) (BRILLIANT!!!)

#fuckinggenius

I did like this though. I’d recommend it for a rainy day. Although I can never really look at David Thewlis without remembering that scene in Total Eclipse when he’s getting a good, Thorough and Proper rogering in the butt by Leonardo DiCaprio…

LA FEMME NIKITA (1990)

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THREE TOP HATS

A long time ago we did a Shitfest contest and our associate over at table nine mutant won. As the victor, she got to pick five movies for Movie Rob and I to watch. I think this is the last one from the list but I’ll have to go through my old work notebooks to find the list (unless she comes by here and reminds me of any I missed). I thought – wait – shit that’s not the right poster. One sec.

femme2

There you go.  I appreciate that if I had seen this in 1990, wearing a mullet, my cowboy boots and polo shirt and drinking cheap Milwaukee’s Best, I would probably have liked this more. It’s a well made movie and probably one of Luc Beeson’s top five or maybe six. But… since I watched it 25 years after it came out, I thought it was REALLY dated and this may sound weird but it looks like it’s a copy of Beeson’s later work, even though it came first. Does that make any sense? Oh – and:

femme3

Oh shit, that’s wrong again. One moment.

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There it is. Now we’re back on track. Do I need to say what this movie is about? A Bad Girl is recruited against her will by her government and turned into a kill-everyone and destroy-everything assassin. Reminds me of my senior year of college. I think you call that “University” over there Mutant. Anyway, I think I liked the U.S. remake better called Point of No Return but I haven’t seen that since 1993 so… I always did have the hots for foxy Bridget Fonda though.

femme5Except: femme6#humphumphump

BROKEN SIDE OF TIME (2013)

broken1THREE TOP HATS

It’s probably better than a three top hat movie but it’s very art-y and I didn’t particularly care for the emphasis on photography and all of its different interpretations and symbolisms.  I watched it only because my twitter pal Jessica Mazo is in it and sat through a lot of artistic nudity and crying. And darkness. Lots of darkness. broken3This aging, skinny artist can’t get work any more since everything is internet porn and younger models so she decides to take a cross country trip and make a run down Memory Lane. Along the way she does some drugs, does some sex and everyone does a lot of talking, mostly while naked.

broken2In the end I guess she finds some sort of salvation or redemption or some such such shit and other people will probably like this much more than I did. It’s just not really my bag… at all…. BUT – I did get to see Mazo in action again :  )

broken4

CREEP (2014)

creep14aTWO TOP HATS

Gary also thought I might like this one – he liked it a lot – but I warned him that I pretty much hate Mark Duplass. I gave The Lazarus Effect a shot before I went into it and I didn’t hate him in that so I rented this thing. I just REALLY don’t like his style of acting or the words that come out of his mouth. I also think all of the dialogue that comes from him is ad-lib so I guess I don’t like how he thinks either. I mean – what’s with this fucking shit:

creep14bI suppose the concept behind this is decent enough – a guy pays another guy to film him doing shit – for his unborn son – since he’s getting ready to die soon. Stuff like taking a bath and climbing a rock – all the while pretending to attack him (the cameraman) and scare him and pretend to kill him. I wouldn’t do ANYTHING with this guy unless it came with some sort of unworldly payout. Then there’s a scene towards the end that I just hated.

creep14cI guess that’s it! Did anyone read this? Did anyone like it? I’m finally figuring out a routine so hopefully I can get caught up on everyone’s stuff soon!

77 comments

  1. This. Post. Is. Great. But I have so many comments!! Here we go:

    * I look forward to Under Still Waters – looks good!!
    * I felt the same way about The Voices! Even though I do love talking animals. It just wasn’t as great as everyone made it out to be but still entertaining.
    * Leo rapes someone? In a movie called Total Eclipse?? What??? I thought I had seen every Leo movie and I haven’t even heard of this one! I think I’ll be scarred if I watch it now.
    * I couldn’t agree more about Creep. Good concept, not sure about the execution, and Mark Duplass is reeeaaalllllyyyy annoying. He was particularly annoying in The Lazarus Effect, which was so disappointing.

    #ninetyninepercent
    #satanicbesties

    Liked by 1 person

    • theipc

      Thanks #satanicbestie !! Let’s see here –

      – If you don’t expect much from Under Still Waters you’ll be all right!
      – Yeah… I expected too much I think… The Voices was good but also kind of irritating…
      – Leo doesn’t actually “rape” Thewlis. They are lovers and they have Art Butt Sex.
      – Creep………. #notsomuch

      #squintiesforever
      #sataniceyebrows

      Liked by 1 person

  2. GaryGreg828

    “Creep” is worth a watch for the poster alone! Yeah, I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it, but I think it was worth a shot. You really seem to dislike films with 2 characters, Hard Candy, Scenic Route, and now Creep. I will keep that in mind from now on.

    But seriously, you have to watch Dumb & Dumber. I do think you’ll like it. *And keep in mind, I hated Ace Ventura and didn’t think it was funny a sliver. “Dumb & Dumber” isn’t funny b/c Jim Carey plays some over-the-top, outlandish character; it’s funny b/c of the clever and hilarious dialogue the Farrelly Brothers wrote. And when given clever and hilarious dialogue, then his over-the-top performance clicks on all cylinders.

    Like I said before, I didn’t even plan on watching it. I was pissed-off b/c North Carolina just lost to Arkansas in the Final 4 (i watched the game at the theater on the big-screen) and when it was over I went to the Dumb & Dumber theater to tell my friends UNC lost and I was pissed and leaving; but as soon as I entered the theater I started laughing – and I kept on for the next 2/3 of the movie – and went back the next night to watch the whole thing – and went back to the theater 7 more times to watch during it’s theatrical run.

    So, try Dumb & Dumber to cheer you up. It took me out of my foul mood instantly! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Mark Duplass… Yuck. And I can’t freaking stand Lake Bell! Yuck! Lol – there were other movies on my list for you but you’re not required to watch them. I release you from that pain! 😉 I’ve actually not seen this one, although I did see the Point Of No Return remake. And how can it be a copy of his LATER work? You weirdo. :-p Anyway, I like these mini-reviews. They’re fun to write, too! I prefer doing them this way lately. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Loved the roundups here PSC!

    I liked The Voices more than I expected to, not a bad film.

    Is that Deadwood I see, boxless???? The horror! The shame!!! I still really need to finish that. I was enjoying it quite a bit. Maybe when these dastardly exams are out of the way finally I can get all over it!

    Still sucks about your job 😦

    Like

  5. Victor De Leon

    Gotta finish Stonehearst Asylum! Liked what I saw. I have Creep in my cue but may pass. I dont care for Duplass either and the story sounds lame. Thanks bro. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

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