A SERIOUSLY SUPER SPECIAL THANKS TO DAVID OF THATMOMENTIN.COM FOR CREATING AND PROVIDING OUR FEATURED IMAGE FOR THIS SERIES!!!!
(CONQUEST OF THE PLANET OF THE APES – 1972)
As our story continues….
The aftermath of his wife Zira’s death found Cornelius suffering as no ape ever had in the history of filthy apes. Who was his son’s father?? She banged SO many humans it could have been anyone, the most likely candidate would be that fucking asshole butler from their high rise apartment. Human bastard! Had she been too drunk to get him to use a rubber? No one ever knew, but we what we did learn is that Cornelius spent the next twenty years fucking SO MANY women that he re-populated the planet with legions of ape children.
There were hundreds!! Thousands!!! Who could count that high???? They populated every city and every village! Every town and every squire! Who knew he had so much ape sperm in him??? Eventually, like all things taxable, the government started putting them to work to make more money for itself. They made them hairstylists:
They made them light women’s fake green cigarettes out on the street:
They made them bartenders:
And Hibachi chefs:
And, during those long twenty years, his son, Caesar grew up to be a fine, filthy ape. He taught himself to read, he taught himself to write, he taught himself how to tie his own fucking ape shoes and he even taught himself how to use the segregated ape hand washing basin:
Eventually, as all young, filthy apes do, his ape loins started to ache, just like those of his father’s. He needed to extract his ape semen into an ape womb and he needed to do it RIGHT NOW. So, being the learned, filthy ape that he had become, he put in a call to the local ape house to see about getting an escort over.
“Yes????” Answered the woman, doing some nice wrist acting.
And, using the dialect of his ancestors, he asked, “OOH OOH AAH AAH!!!!!!” Implying he would prefer a nice brunette, preferably wearing something green, with stripes.
“You got it, foxy.” The woman replied. “Come over at nine o’clock and we’ll get your balls nice and drained.”
“OOH OOH AAH AAH OOH!!!” The filthy ape replied and went to iron his necktie.
Later, around 9:15, after swiping his credit card, he was escorted down the halls of the ape house and – HOLY SHIT!!! What did he see??????
“OOOHHH OOOOH AAAAH AAAAAAH OOOHHH OOOHHH!!!” he screamed in excitement, his ape erection ripping a hole in his best ape trousers. “OOOH OOOH OOOHHH!!!!!!”
“OOOOHHHH OOOOHHHH AAAAH AAAAHHHH!” He continued, implying that he was indeed, going to fuck her like an animal. To which, she replied without words:
And, life went on peacefully for many years, until the what would be know as The Great Ape Depression. Money dried up. All the call center jobs moved to Ape Pakistan. There was no more lighting ape cigars with hundred dollar ape bills, no more snorting cocaine out of ape belly buttons, the Ape Salad Days were really over.
But the government kept talking everyone’s asses off. “Work harder!! Work faster!!” The bosses screamed, while the Ape IRS took every fucking ape cent they had. “Work longer shifts!!! Work for less!!!” Was all they ever heard. That and “I’ll give you two dollars for head.”
And, as we all know and we all have experienced, when apes have to endure ape instances and ape situations like this for sooooooo long, eventually…. they break….
And unrest happens….
And, as we all know what happens when unrest happens….APE KILL APE….
HOW WILL THE SAGA CONCLUDE????
WILL IT EVEN CONCLUDE SINCE THE AUTHOR IS OUT OF WORK AND OUT OF MOTIVATION???
WILL THE AUTHOR CONTINUE HIS PLAN AND DO ALL OF THE SERIES????
OH CHRIST THERE’S A LOT TO TIE UP SOON!!!!
TO BE CONTINUED….