HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM…. how do I go about this movie…. I better get a cocktail….I don’t remember where I heard about this but I did somewhere – probably HERE. This weekend I saw it available for VOD and gave it a rent (Note: I started writing this sometime in the summer of 2015). The movie, called EXTINCTION on DirecTV, came attached with the poster below which is actually kind of shitty and while I waited around for it to download I did some poking around here and there. I discovered, through my amazing skills of iPad sleuthing, that this was made in Spain and called WELCOME TO HARMONY there and apparently had a much better title and movie poster (at the top) across the Atlantic ocean than we got here, thanks American asshole executives.
I also tweeted to this person @filmnerdtweets that I was watching the title of the movie and she looked it up and only saw this:
And she said something like “looks rubbish” because she’s Proper English and uses words like “rubbish” and “arse” and “celsius” and “queen” but I corrected her and told her it was pretty good except for some sorry looking CGI which I intend to get into later but I’m going to have another cocktail so who knows what will happen after while. When I started writing this post I went looking for images for it and also came across this which doesn’t make much sense:
It also looks like I started writing this on July 26 and now it’s September 14th so, when I look at the images I uploaded then, now they don’t make any sense so I am going to have to try and make some sort of narrative out of them because I was drunk then and am not today. So, let’s see here, it looks like I was going down an avenue of movies that had “extinction” in them for this one:
I totally fucking hated Transformers and now have a lifelong vendetta against Hard Ticket To Home Video, zucchini, squash and Michael Bay. It then appears that I intended to talk about the movie a little, so here goes. Maybe I should go make a cocktail before I start. One sec.
From what I could tell, Matthew Fox, the guy from Burn Notice and a small Carbon Based Unit with a red mane are the sole survivors from a zombie apocalypse they show in flashbacks. THE ONLY ONES!!! Just three!! I couldn’t tell if they were brothers or friends at one point but now they HATE each other more than fucking anything and Fox has this long hair and giant beard (pic below) and he’s not allowed to even look at the little girl even though he hops on his snowmobile and goes to town every now and then to kill wild horses and bring them back supplies, like bullets and handy things like can openers even though one would probably be enough for a while. I didn’t know if it was because he’s some sort of Prevert or something but there’s not a friendly dynamic going on there for the only three survivors left on Earth.
The “why” of “why people turned into flesh crazed mutants” is never explained but, as things go, even though there’s no real logic to why these zombie mutants would suddenly appear in this remote town outside of civilization (don’t most predators follow a supply of food??), they do and the three of them must band together to survive or die horrible deaths!!! HORRIBLE DEATHS!!!!
I’ll say that I liked this movie for the most part but it’s also one of those things where everything is shot in the dark so it’s hard for my old eyes to make out. I’ve always thought this was gimmicky so they didn’t have to actually show the monster or the F/X or whatever they don’t want to spend money on. As some of you may remember, I’m working on a little something something movie and all of my shots intend to be VERY well lit – FYI. And with practical blood and no CGI. And #guts … lots of #guts
So, again, I liked this thing, for the most part, although it’s very slow and doesn’t give you much to know why what’s happening is happening but it wasn’t too bad. Some of the imagery was pretty cool but I still don’t get why these fucking mutants would be where they were without a food source, whether out in the remote town or the city where everyone is dead. I also wonder – do zombies or mutants poop? Do the flesh eating fuckers in the Living Dead movies ever stop to make their Afternoon Constitution? Do they growl while they’re at it?? “GRRRRRR!!! (Sound effects howl) PLOP PLOP! GRRRRRR!!!”. Maybe I should think about that for my next script….
Here’s where I don’t understand where I made the connection to Starry Eyes (below) although that movie was much better than this thing. I was probably going to make some sort of mention to The Ecstasy of St Teresa which is my favorite sculpture ever (I even did a piece on it back in college during ‘Humanities 1’) Here’s the link to the sculpture if you’re not familiar: TERESA
I really liked Starry Eyes and I think the filmmakers did a very good back-rendition of the Teresa imagery. In the wikipages – or – AHEM – ENCYCLOPEDIA!!!! (remember when we had to read and learn things????) Teresa is described as having had an angel pierce her heart with a spear and send her into a Holy rapture. In my paper, I described it as something much more Italian and French, clothed in Christian busy-bodiness and that it wasn’t exactly “Holy Rapture” so much as Bernini using the royal money to exhibit some good old fashioned sexual symbolism (sex sells) and I think the guys who did Starry Eyes did a really good job capturing the idea and turning it around to the other side.
I have no idea where in the fuck i was going with Pensatucky (the one in the middle) here but I do like her. I think – when I started writing this we were watching the new season of Orange is the New Black which is the one I have liked the most so far. We got to get away from Piper-Only and that irritating woman who hated Red and focus on other characters this time around – especially Pensatucky who I think is one of the better characters on the show.
Looks like, as I rounded this out, I came back to how much I hate Michael Bay and how I would like to bazooka his brains out so he never makes another red cent off of his shit movies. Or maybe I was thinking about how I’ve always wanted to do a post about the movie Mystery Men and was going to add something about how he was in that as an actor.
At this point, I’m not sure when this post will post (it’s now September 24th) but I would LOVE to recommend the movie Cooties to anyone that loves horror, zombies and fun. This is probably my favorite movie of the summer, after Fury Road and yes – I did catch it before it turned to Fall here : )