Before you judge me for paying hard earned duckets to go see this stupid thing, please realize that: the house cleaners were coming this day and it’s VERY awkward to be hanging around watching people screaming and being torn to bits while 1) a couple of elderly Hispanic women vacuum my stairs and 2) I don’t particularly care for James Bond movies and 3) I’m somewhat fond of this franchise. I went and saw Numero Uno in the theater and liked it although it’s a One Trick Pony and can never be watched again. I waited for VOD for Numero Dos and didn’t care much for it since it was just a copy of the first with some more money but thoroughly enjoyed Numero Tres! I thought Cuatro was mediocre but all right and then got yelled at because I didn’t HATE Cinco even though it won Shitfest back in the day. So I didn’t feel disgusted going to go see Numero Seis and it got me out of the house for a few hours – but – was it any good?Not really. For long-term or even mid-term readers out here, you’ll know I give a lot of SHIT movies a pass because they’re better than some of the shit this site was built upon, like THIS or even THIS. I mean – if you were to even try to watch the movie at that first link in the last sentence, you would give this PA6 movie an “I’ll watch it every day for the rest of my life” Hall Pass and move on, trying to forget the other one. But… thinking about all six of these movies…. this one kind of sucked……. it’s better than some of the shit I’ve looked at over my life but even I just can’t get over how – pretty stupid – this is.Over the years, people have gotten on my tits about liking sequels better than originals or reboots or whatever but, in my opinion, if it entertains me more than what came first, oh well! What can I say? I think Return of the Living Dead is one of the best movies ever and Fury Road beats out Beyond Thunderdome as my favorite Mad Max (which I NEVER though would happen). So, I knew what I was getting into with this and I thought it was just lame. Spoilers to come, I suppose…
If I get this right – this time around we have a new family with a new daughter, living on the same land (although a rebuilt house) from Number 3. The new dad and his strangely coiffed brother find the camera (and a bunch of tapes) from Number 3. They replay these videos with a working VCR and find people recording shit of the two girls from Number 3 AFTER the events of 3 and, in these recordings, the two girls are looking into the future and talking about things they see in 2013 (Number 5) – including telling the daughter from 2013 “Bless You” when she sneezes. For real, I’m a guy who can let things go and get over things but that’s just dumb. Lucky the dad didn’t watch that during the day when the daughter might be outside on her favorite See-Saw and that twenty year old tape would have been wrong.
I also didn’t enjoy the malevolent presence…. remember, in the first two, this thing was invisible (above) and we got our creeps from not being able to see anything. Then – in the cool third, it could kind of take a shape which I thought was pretty cool:
Then, for some reason, in the 4th, it started to take some sort of blurry bad-fingerprint shape, like a mug shot from 1963:
In this one, against the grainy, lined VHS video, the demon-thing sometimes either looks like a bunch of ashes floating through the air after a fire, bubbles in some sort of dark liquid or – and a lot of you won’t get this – a bad Bill Sienkiewicz illustration from the late 70s or early 80s… for those of you who do get that reference – can I get a fucking BAM for making that association???
Oh well – I guess I don’t regret that I went and saw it. I can lament that a matinee in the U.S. is almost nine dollars now but… it got me out of the house and away from the cleaners. *shrugs* I’ve seen MUCH worse although this isn’t good (to me). At least with Friday the 13th and Halloween they didn’t change things up constantly.