One day recently, during my unplanned sabbatical, I got up late, got my lame ass out of bed and took the dogs out for a pee and a poo. Then, being the lazy, sorry ass that I am, I took my lazy, sorry ass BACK to bed and thought I would watch something under the covers with my dogs and cats in tow and maybe report back on things since I’ve been out for so long (I know this is coming out after a few recent posts, so the timeline is screwy). So, I got in back in bed with my electric blanket engaged and scrolled through Netflix streaming and, after having seen EVERYTHING they had to offer, I picked this thing since I hadn’t seen it before. Looking at my Movie Index, it seems I never wrote about the first one but I didn’t really like it that much, honestly, so I was never pumped to see this sequel but I gave it a shot and….
I thought this was the wooooooooooooooooooooooorst. I know I gave PA6 some shit but at least I could see what was going on (most of the time) (in that dumb thing). One of my least favorite and most hated things in movies is when they film everything in the dark because they need to introduce some shit CGI in the dark so our eyes won’t catch the crap but –> most of what I saw in this movie was total dark and, sorry, that doesn’t do it for me, really.Also and – NO OFFENSE TO MY GOOD AND PROPER ENGLISH BELOVEDS – did everyone HAVE to ONLY whisper-talk in their Good and Proper English Accents the entire time I watched this thing? I don’t know if I can render this properly but I’ll try – take this for example:
Teacher: Dear God, we have to leave.
Headmistresses: We are unable to leave due to the fact that the Governing Body, as well as The Queen and Parliament, have enacted a curfew, even though we have been abandoned on this derelict island, despite our refutes.
Teacher: Dear God, Headmistresses! The alarms are sounding and we must vacate this position. There are Nazis and Ghosts of Englishmen threatening to take our lives and dispose of our souls into the empty bowels of Hell itself.
Headmistress: In Due Time, M’lady. In Due Time. Please, placate yourself with Tea.
Headmistress (looking at Ghost Boy through a derelict, moldy hole in the ceiling): You, Boy. Get to bed now and never draw a boner. It is unhealthy. Prepare for a career in the R.A.F. Sleep well, Dear. God Save the Queen. Chairs.
*A FIRE BURNS*
*PINKIES ARE LIFTED*
*TEA IS CONSUMED*
That may not be EXACTLY how it went but I couldn’t see or hear anything that was going on so, who knows? I didn’t like what I could see and I thought it was extremely boring and not scary or intimidating whatsoever…. oh well – in an experimental effort in Free Association – let’s do this:
The other night I had to go to my neighbor’s house to see if he had a working printer because ours doesn’t seem to printing black even though it has a cartridge of black ink. There, his sister congratulates me on getting a job even though I’ve told no one, really, and I ask her how she knows this. “Your wife and I are friends on Facebook” she explains, referring to a happy post Mrs THE IPC made about my good news. My neighbor then asks how my movie making is going and introduces me to his sister’s husband who claims to have been in the movie Frankenstein’s Army and then name drops a bunch of local directors I’ve never heard of. “call me and let’s talk,” he says and I say OK even though I don’t remember his name. When I click on the IMDB page to see if he’s telling the truth through a profile picture, along the banner at the top and the sidebars, there are pictures of James Macavoy and Harry Potter, both sporting women’s hairdos promoting the new movie called Victor Frankenstein that looks ABSOLUTELY AWFUL.
So – in the practice of good Free Association and The Truth Lies in the Circle – let’s do this:
ME – THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2
THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2 – THE WOMAN IN BLACK
THE WOMAN IN BLACK – DANIEL RADCLIFFE
DANIEL RADCLIFFE – HARRY POTTER
HARRY POTTER – ZOE AND MY DEBATES ON THE HARRY POTTER SERIES
ZOE – PRINCE OF DARKNESS
PRINCE OF DARKNESS – JOHN CARPENTER
JOHN CARPENTER – IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS
IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS – MARKED MOVIES
MARKED MOVIES – THINGS TO DO IN DENVER WHEN YOU’RE DEAD
THINGS TO DO IN DENVER WHEN YOU’RE DEAD – CINEMA PARROT DISCO
CINEMA PARROT DISCO – IS HOW I MET CARA GALE
CARA GALE – I, FRANKENSTEIN
I, FRANKENSTEIN – FRANKENSTEIN’S ARMY
FRANKENSTEIN’S ARMY – VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN
VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN – DANIEL RADCLIFFE
DANIEL RADCLIFFE – THE WOMAN IN BLACK
THE WOMAN IN BLACK – THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2
See???? It’s the fucking CIRCLE OF LIFE!!!!!
How’s that for some impressive work?? Anyway – I didn’t finish this thing and didn’t want to so I don’t know if that’s a big spoiler for the end but if it is, it looks kind of lame to me. However that turns out, this will conclude the first ever – and maybe only – edition of Unfinished Business. I hope you liked! If we don’t talk – it’s a holiday week here (and my birthday) so have great holidays – if you recognize them – and just be fucking safe already.