Isaacs Picture Conclusions

GIRLS GONE DEAD (2012) THREE TOP HATS

I was looking for a new movie in iTunes for my trip home tomorrow and saw that this thing from 2012 is in the “recent bestsellers” category so I thought I would issue out a warning …. Good luck! 

I was going to finish the week off with another retro post but it is Friday and The Good and Off Work Reader might be looking for something new to watch this weekend and might be getting ready to pull the trigger on this thing so I wanted to get this out so you can make a wise decision. Presenting:

For those of you who have been around for a LONG time, you might remember that I watched and talked about something called GIRLS GONE DEAD and labeled it hideous and put it out on the MOST UNCLEAN page because it was totally awful. Well, I guess the name of that has been changed to 30 DAYS TO DIE and here we go again with another “GGD”.  I thought the trailer for this looked like I was going to strike gold again like we (well “I”) did with BLOODY BLOODY BIBLE CAMP (up to and including Ron Jeremy again) with a masked monk running around killing everyone with a battle axe.

In the end, this turned out to be a little difficult to rate because the last third of this is fucking awesome!! Unfortunately, the first hour is pretty lame and actually kind of irritating, but once they ditch the whole “Girls Gone Crazy” ala “Girls Gone Wild” bit, this gets pretty good. But, it’s only thirty minutes of super good, which is sad.  If they could take the last third and expand that out to an hour or so, this could have given BBBC a run for it’s money, IMO. Other than that I would advise FF-ing through the first hour, stopping to check out the fantastic special effects and watching the last part for an excellent take on things like “The Sorority House Massacre” and such. Unless you’re just horny and need to see a ton of T&A and chicks talking filthy.

this place, like, totally, totally, sucks you bitches

Six super hot chicks go on Spring Break for some drinking, partying and general debauchery. They wear next to nothing and most of them talk like sailors and want to get laid, except for the upright Christian one.  Elsewhere and prominently featured, the Girls Gone Crazy crew are filming jiggling boobs and butts and playing loud music that’s not my taste. Back at the mansion, the girls are swimming and exchanging tops. Elsewhere, the Girls Gone Crazy crew are filming jiggling boobs and butts and playing loud music that’s not my taste. Out to the bar and the girls are drinking and dancing and one of them goes off with a very large dude to give him The Sex. But it’s not gonna happen because there’s a monk in a robe with a killer looking mask and he chops them up!! CHOP CHOP CHOP SQUIRT SQUISH!!!

Elsewhere, the Girls Gone Crazy crew are filming jiggling boobs and butts and playing loud music that’s not my taste. Our girls head to the beach and it sucks! Elsewhere, the Girls Gone Crazy crew are filming jiggling boobs and butts and playing loud music that’s not my taste.  The girls head out and we get some back story about a cop with a restraining order on one of them. Elsewhere, the Girls Gone Crazy crew are filming jiggling boobs and butts and playing loud music that’s not my taste. The girls have nothing to do so they head home to PARTAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY with some boys they met at the bar.

thou shall not lay with another person unless blessed by the church of god!!

Elsewhere, the Girls Gone Crazy crew are filming jiggling boobs and butts and playing loud music that’s not my taste.  BUT here comes the monk!! He’s slicing people up!!! He’s lopping off heads!! Things are starting to get good!! Back at the house, the girls are making out with the boys – and each other! But here comes the monk!! Things get super awesome for the rest of the movie!! I wish the whole thing had been like this : (

And there you go – coulda been a lot better. Make no mistake, the Girls Gone Crazy are all good lookin’ but I could have done with a lot less of it and had more monk! I will say this, there are two directors credited here, Michael Hoffman Jr. and Aaron T. Wells. Hoffman is behind one of my least favorite movies of a long time, The Spring Break Massacre which is actually reviewed twice out here: ONE and TWO. If nothing else, this film LOOKS very good and is a ton better than “SPB”, so I can say Hoffman’s come a long way.

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