ThatMomentIn posted something about this the other day so I figured, since I can’t write new posts these days, why not revisit one of my favorite movies ever?? Also one of my favorite posts I ever put together…
What can I say? This is only one of my favorite movies – EVER! I probably saw this sucker in the theater a dozen times when I was a kid and I’ve certainly seen it another twenty or so in the last 26 years of my existence. If I am ever lying around with nothing to do and this is on – check! Do I ever watch this even when there is something else to do – check! I don’t even think I can say enough good things about this movie. Sure, it’s John Carpenter and it’s NOT horror – it’s a Martial Arts / Comedy (and Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting!!!) but it’s hilarious and probably the only thing that I’ve quoted consistently throughout my life. Plain and simple – love it, love it, love it.
I guess… I mean has anyone not seen this movie? I just watched it again the other day for the J.H.C. page and I loved it again. Am I just weird? The answer to that is probably yes but this just does it for me every time. So, J.H.C. does some comedy and Kurt Russell sheds his Snake Plissken for a bumbling, cocky, John Wayne type, truck driver and he pulls it off hilariously and perfectly. I’ve only said this a hundred times: “Okay. You people sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we’re not back by dawn… call the president. ” Well, I guess if you haven’t seen this you might not appreciate the quotes I am likely to put out here, but they are seriously funny,
“All I know is, this Lo Pan character comes out of thin air in the middle of a goddamn alley while his buddies are flying around on wires cutting everybody to shreds, and he just stands there waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him with LIGHT coming out of his mouth!” HAHAHA – gets me every time. For those of you not familiar with this, Russell is Jack Burton, a truck driver, who wins some money from his buddy Wang (the awesome Dennis Dun) when Wang fails to cut a beer bottle in half with a knife. To collect, Burton has to take Wang to the airport to pick up Wang’s fiance, Miao Yin, who has all of his money. There, they run into Gracie Law (a young and super hot Kim Cattrall) who is picking up her own Chinese emigre and they all run afoul of a local gang of Chinese toughs working for the evil sorcerer Lo Pan!! They are there to steal Miao Yin because of her green eyes!! Lo Pan is going to wed her and then sacrifice her to his demon and become a real man again!!
Racing through the streets of Little China, they veer into an alley and funeral-crash the parade of a local businessman. Little do they know they just stumbled into an intense gang war between the good guys and the bad guys (Lo Pan’s).
Jack: Wang, these guys, these Sing Dings…
Wang: Chang Sings.
Jack: They got enemies?
Wang: Wing Kong.
Jack: Who wear red turbans?
Wang: [sees they’re now surrounded by Wing Kong warriors] Holy SHIT! These guys are animals, Jack!
All the shit hits the fan in the form of Kung Fu Fighting and then the Three Furies show up (above) and kick everyone’s asses and Burton and Wang run off and have to take shleter in the local diner run by Uncle Chu and Eddie Lee! After some initial (hilarious) discussion, they realize Lo Pan is back at it again so they call in the assistance of his greatest and oldest enemy, the “farmer wizard” Egg Shen!! Egg and the Chang Sings prepare to mount an epic battle against Lo Pan and the Wing Kong, to end his life once and for all, up to and including bringing along Egg’s Six Demon bag!
In Lo Pan’s place, not only have the Wing Kong brought him Miao Yin, but he’s also caught Gracie who also has green eyes!! “What fortune!!!!” he squeals!! “My demon will be so pleased!!” He will sacrifice Yin and intends to live out his earthly pleasures with Gracie (ew). But the good guys come roaring in to save the day and, if you’ve seen this you might have thought this shot was fucking hilarious:
and if you haven’t, well, you should. I’ll leave on that note and leave you with this:
Margo: God, Jack, aren’t you even gonna kiss her goodbye?
Jack: ………………………… Nope.