I went into this pretty hesitantly – understanding that I might be in the minority – but the original French version of this movie is one of the most heinous things I have ever seen and was the original impetus for my MOST UNCLEAN list. I realize that the original is fucking French so that makes it “artistic” and “deep” and “filled with French emotion and symbolism” but it’s really a big fucking piece of shit movie aimed at beating women and then skinning them alive. At least in my stupid opinion. I fucking hated that goddamned thing. Anyway – I knew they were doing this and of course I thought why remake that fucking goddamned thing but they did anyway and, honestly, I couldn’t really find anything to watch on my flight back home the other night so…….
If you’re a fan of the first one and appreciate its French-ness and French detail in skinning and torturing women, you probably won’t like this. It is VERY American in its business and shies away from a lot of the French Brutality and French Grim that pilfered the first. There’s also a little bit more story this time around and less skinning (which I appreciated) so, again, while being kind of the same, this is a lot different than that French piece of shit. To recommend – it’s bloody and a little gory, but much less tame than the original. If you haven’t seen the original and want to watch a decent horror – this isn’t TOO bad. I promise you, you’ve seen a lot worse. Like THIS.
If you’re not familiar with the story, a young girl, who has been tortured for an unknown period of time, escapes her shackles and runs free, screaming into the streets. I don’t remember this happening in the first, but she ends up in an orphanage and gets befriended by a nice girl named Anna who sneaks her cookies from the Mother Superior’s kitchenette. When the nun finally figures out who’s been running off with her pastries, she takes a cane to their naked backsides and then crucifies them up on sticks in the town square to make an example out of them. As they wither away and die in the baking sun, the townspeople rally around their surviving spirit and, as they die horrible,
uncircumcised excommunicated and cursed deaths, they are proclaimed Martyrs and that’s that.
None of that really happens after the whole cookie stealing part but these two girls grow up and become besties and then the girl named Lucy goes after her tormentors from so many years before and nothing really works out well for any of them.
If i think about the first film, if the casual reader hadn’t noticed, I didn’t like it. Going into this, I didn’t think I would like it but I ended up not thinking it was too bad. I thought the camera work was good and it didn’t get too nasty. A few plane rides ago I watched The Green Inferno and couldn’t stand it – not because of the gore – but the story and the acting were fucking stupid. I mean “We’re tied up in cages and this village just ate one of our friends so let’s shove this bag of weed down our newly dead friend’s throat so when they eat her they’ll get stoned and we can escape.” O_O UGH
Soooooooooooooooooooo, yeah – I didn’t think was too bad considering I had the original to compare it to. I mean, I’d rather pop out my own eyes and eat them rather than watch that mother fucker again.
P.S. Be on the lookout for Stumpy from Carnivale