*NSFW IMAGE BELOW*
I originally titled this post: BALLET OF BLOOD (2015) SO BAD I WANTED TO HARM MYSELF but then I got soft and realized that someone might have tried here and I didn’t want to go around hurting anyone’s feelings so I changed it up slightly in case someone should see this out in public but GOD DAMN I didn’t like this thing. The film quality sucked the acting sucked, the ballet sucked, the boobs sucked, the dialogue sucked and then they fucking tried to turn it into some sort of artsy fucking story within a story type of horseshit and – I will be the first to admit that I am a huge dumbass but I couldn’t figure out what the fuck was going on there at the end. Actually, I didn’t really know what the fuck was going on most of the time, now that I reflect on it. I also remember wishing I could turn it off but I was trapped on a fucking airplane and couldn’t download anything else. Let’s see what happened.
If I remember correctly, this opens with a bunch of chicks who all look alike (so it took me a long time to figure out who was who) doing some exercises on their ballet pole thing. Then some blond chick comes in with no shirt on and her tits flopping around everywhere. She’s screaming and jumping and has an uzi so she shoots someone. Cut to the opening credits and the footage is of some little girl in ballet clothes dancing or something. Then the chicks are all standing around the pole again getting yelled at for being two fat. Then someone is an insane asylum. Then she’s not. Then someone is sitting around with her tits out smoking dope. Then someone kills her own dad but not her crazy grandpappy.
Then there’s these two sisters – part of the Ballerina Troupe. See how distinguished I am to add that e at the end there? One of these sisters is writing a book and everything that she writes comes true. Naturally, she writes in a bunch of murders at Chez Ballerina, including her own while, in the meantime, the dead girls are embodied in some sort of dream state, dancing around naked and holding marionettes. On a beach. And blood is dripping on them from unknown sources above. AAAAAAAAND – I think the marionettes were supposed to be themselves. I think. Very deep.
“Complex and Intriguing” says Ain’t It Cool News. I’m going to translate that as “Huh? What the fuck did I just watch while I was trapped in an airplane that took only cash for whiskey. Note: I had no cash because no one carries cash any more so I couldn’t even have a whiskey.” Oh well, I’m sure they meant well here, which is why I changed my title but – ugh – I didn’t like this one fucking bit. Screw this thing! I also don’t know what’s gotten into me but I am aware that I haven’t posted any nudes out here in quite some time, so here’s a naked picture of Barbara Crampton and I hope you have a nice rest of your day!