HAHAHAHA!! I was prepping a new post for sometime this week and came across this old thing. I LOVED this movie! HAHAHA Misty!!
~ Strong language in this post ~
WHAT? How have I never heard of this beauty?? Blood Car was fantastically awesome! Why doesn’t anyone ever tell me anything? What’s going on around here? “China is here? What does that mean, ‘China is here’? I don’t even know what the hell that means.” I don’t know anything. “Wire-tapping Russians??!? What year do you live in??!! You suck. That doesn’t make any god dammed sense, you mother fucker!” That first quote is from Big Trouble in Little China that I had to get worked into something before I expire and the second is a quote from this movie here – and this movie is absolutely hilarious and filled with LOL dialogue all the way around. To be sure, this totally won’t be for everyone, or maybe not even for many people, but this was right up my alley! This is filled with blood and boobs and gratuitous sex and, really, dialogue that I wish I would have been the guy who wrote it. If we wanted to address the acting, it is what it is coming from the two leads Mike Brune and Anna Chlumsky (of all people) but I thought the lady who played Denise (Katie Rowlett) really stole the show – well – her and a guy credited as Mr. Malt who cracked me up as the car jacker who busts out some paper to do some math because “Just because he’s from the hood, mother fucker, that don’t mean he can’t do math, you mother fucker!!”
So gas is $32.00 a gallon and no one drives any longer since no one can afford it but, according to the opening monologue, people still have sex in cars but they do it in junk yards – and yes they do. Our main man Archie (Brune) is a mild mannered, Vegan Kindergarten teacher who wears shirts with slogans like “Meat is Murder” and “Dolphins are Dandy” who spends his day reading to little children and his nights developing an engine that can run on wheatgrass, which he buys from Chlumsky’s “Veg Table” stand. Chlumsky’s Lorraine is all about Archie and spends her time drawing pictures of her giving him an explicit BJ but he’s more into the chick (Rowlett’s hilariously filthy talking “Denise”) who runs the Meat Stick booth next door. One night he drinks a fifth of a very nicely labeled vodka, cuts his hand, drips some blood in the motor and it fires right up! Score! The next day he drives his souped up Honda (I think) to get some more wheat juice and Denise promises him some oral satisfaction if he gives her a ride. Well, he does and she does but the car runs out of gas before the job is finished so she stops and tells him there’s more where that came from if he takes her to the drive in the next night.
Of course he’s got to find some more fuel so he builds a kind of fan in his trunk to cut up things and produce blood for the engine and then goes around killing local small animals (bawling the entire time, mind you) with his BB gun. Well the animals fail to fire the engine up but luckily poor, Old Mrs. Butterfield upstairs just died so he throws her over the balcony, stuffs her in his trunk and away he goes again. Sure enough he gets what’s promised there at the drive in, and again in the Mexican Food joint and then up his own, uh, exitway and he even gets a little pee on him, but now he’s obsessed and has to keep producing more fuel.
That fuel comes in the form of the car jacker, a gas station attendant, a disabled veteran, a hitch hiker and three or four government agents (who are tracking him and his invention). Eventually we get to the end and I can’t finish this up without mentioning the crack-me-up closing “montage” of a sort where the government does what the government does best. This is almost a must-see-again just for that and the scene with Mr. Malt. So, this very low budget was totally awesome and I loved it, but there were a couple of things that I noticed were mistakes (like that bullet hole coming and going) but that shouldn’t take away from the hilarity here. I love things that don’t take themselves too seriously and this one sure didn’t and I can’t wait to see it again. But – this public service is here to let you know that this might not be for everyone.
I’m not sure I’m ready to see Anna Chlumsky in this new way, but this should be a hit with exploitation fans.
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You know, honestly I had forgotten about her until she showed up in VEEP, but she doesn’t have anything too racy in this aside from the insinuated drawing. But her character had her share of “flavor”. This movie was completely rocking and I would love to see your thoughts on it if you ever finish that eight pack. Shudder… C.H.U.D Two…
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I was vaguely aware of her comeback, but didn’t know about this movie. Only two more weeks to go, and then I’ll definitely feature Blood Car on a cheap movie Thursday!
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I can’t even wait for a Wednesday’s Child rendering of Blood Car!
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😀 Yer too kind.
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Hahahaaaa!!! Okay, this may be the BEST review of this movie EVER!!!!!! Now I want to watch it again…
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so do I!!
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HAHAHAHA Awesome! Thanks! And thank you for being you and doing what you do so I could come across this bad boy! Loved it! I can’t wait to watch it again either – I wish I hadn’t sent it back!
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Oh I so am!! Lol. And hey, anytime!! Somebody’s gotta spread the word that these gems are out there! ;-p
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Haha! WTF? And the girl from My Girl is in this? Are you shitting me?!
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I’m not! You have to see this one!
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Anna Chumsky? Really? Okay. At the risk of traumatising myself I think I have to see this! Hmm. What if Stephen King’s Christine got it together with Blood Car? Imagine the mayhem! And now for some reason I can’t get “Feed Me Seymour” from Little Shop of Horrors out of my head!
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HA HA!! YES!!! Anna Chumsky! This movie is hilariously bad-awesome! I hope you can find it! How have you been dear Kim?? I was in Jersey for a week, then Jamaica for a week, now I’m home for a week and then back to Jersey : ((((((((((((((((((
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I’m goung to try! I’m doing well Eric. Chilling in the AC because it’s been nasty hot here! I tried to email you but it bounced. So, Jersey-bad, but Jamaica?! I’m ssuming this was a vac with Mrs. IPC? It must of been lovely. Jamaica’s always been on my bucket list of places to visit if I ever won the lottery. I’m glad you’re home again for the week before you have to go back and deal with the New Jersey devils!
#hugs
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God it’s been SO HOT here too!! Upper nineties every day with heat indexes close to 110. It’s SO GROSS. Stay cool!
Jamaica was easily the best place I have ever been in my life. I highly recommend it! : ) : )
#islandlife
#rum
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We’re all under a “heat dome”. At least we have ac here now. I’m so glad you had fun in Jamaica!
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That heat dome is scary looking when they show it on the news all day…
#happywednesday
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One of many reasons any I hate watching the news late!y, although I’ve gotten a few chuckles from checking out the Republican convention occasionally!😄
#hugsforyou
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HA!! Between the heat dome and Trump we should call for a ban on the news!!
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Seriously! Although did you see him from Monday night coming onto the stage from a fog bank! That really gave me the giggles!😄
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I saw the replays on the news… this guy!
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So flippin’ funny!
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: ))))))))))))))
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The title alone screams awesome!
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Fucking #truth !
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Kindest PSC,
I am so happy to see you had a blast with it! The title made me laugh hahaha.
Love,
IJB
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Dearest IJB,
It is sorry It missed It’s comment. It has been so fucking busy. This movie was all sorts of fun!
Love,
Ashamed SC
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Ashamed PSC,
No need to be ashamed! It knows how it can happen!
Love,
IJB
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Forgivingest IJB,
IT IS SO BUSY CRY CRY CRY
Love,
ISC
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Oki… totally missed put on this one as well but is now on my to watch list.
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Fuck yeah! Enjoy!
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I still don’t understand where you find these movies!!! Hahaha
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I don’t understand why this didn’t win Best Picture for 2007??
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It was an absolute robbery!!
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