Not many people come to this place any longer – which is just fine – I just state that because the name JB may be forgotten or unknown to newer folks. JB is the alter ego of Zoë who resides here. We’ve collaborated on a ton of shit over the years and while this isn’t one of those, she still watched this on a recommendation from me and I don’t think she was totally pleased. For anyone who still looks at this place, who has looked at it for any period of time MIGHT remember that “grindhouse” is one of my favorite types of genre (I’m even VERY slowly working on one of my own) (for those of you wondering about that, the trailer company is waiting on ME to provide some new footage at their request – I’m am not waiting on THEM) and you can see I’ve done a lot of them out here, so this was really my kind of thing:

I knew from the trailer that I was probably going to like this – kind of like Space Station 76 – and, like SS76 I really did but this one had some iffy moments. Like, what was the point of the guy in the bear trap? Or the irritating warning sirens? Oh well – I still liked it just fine and I realized that, even though I hated The Last Exorcism 2 – I do really enjoy twisty Ashley Bell!

Soooooooooooo, this starts off with some apparent looking slimeballs on the run from the cops, speeding down the highway with a bag full of money. One of them has been shot and the other keeps combing his moustache!  Sounds just like me! Well, the moustache part and not the having been shot part. Although I was held at gunpoint once. There’s nothing fun about that.

Back to this movie, this reminds me of this porn I once watched, even though I have never watched porn, called The Suckers.

It’s got that same vibe, and feel, but in HD and there’s no explicit sex. Also – no hairy 70s balls. Anyway, this quickly turns from a hostage situation into a Hunting Humans type of thing and – when they use them, the practical blood effects get a little gruesome, so be warned.My other gripe might be that the end was filmed in a cave with no lights so I could barely see what was going on but I liked the mid credits scene. and the possibility of a sequel. I’m sure this didn’t have a lot of commercial success (the box office info isn’t on IMDB) so there probably won’t be a sequel but you never know – I’d watch it.

So, folks, here we are! I checked this out at the recommendation of the Chop. Well… I was confused by this. I didn’t hate it, but I sure as heck didn’t love it. I had many… erm… issues with it.

Eric has already mentioned the screaming dude in the trap. I spent a few minutes wondering if he was working with the psycho sniper dude because Vivian wasn’t even completely gone yet and he started screaming for anyone to help him (and she had just been there and tried). Not to mention the fact that he claimed to have been there for four days… without water. Sure. I can totally see that happening. Out in the desert. Sure, sure. Unless the trap was a recent development.

Anyway, this started off fine. I was laughing my ass off as the fact that Scorpion Joe has a ‘stache and hair comb that he used before holding up a bank – for reals? Hilarious! Also, I played a lot of Punch Buggy on my husband’s arm throughout the viewing of this. Like, a lot. They were everywhere. Aside from that, a bank got knocked over and these two idiots took this woman hostage and fled. The first bit of the movie is all about them making their grand escape with the big bucks, and only later do you realise they have this chick in the boot/trunk (for the Americans reading). Lenny, the one skelm (thief) is dead, Vivian (trunk chick) is trying to make a run for it, and Scorpion Joe is just losing his shit.

So we are all on that story. Before we know it, the story changes to this total survival film – and it was jarring. The transition was not a smooth one, no sir, not at all. It was bizarre. Also, it didn’t help that Wyatt Moss was a totally flat villain. Like, totally. All he was was some crazy with a sniper rifle. There were no layers, there was also no reason to actually fear him. He had a gun, and he shot people. Okay, sure, so Carnage Park itself, where all this cray was going down, was pretty nasty for sure, and there were some sick corspes, etc. but there was nothing really… calculated about it. I really wish that Wyatt had a little more depth to really make him creepy.

Let’s not forget Sheriff Moss. Yes, folks, they are brothers. They are also both a tad cuckoo-ka-choo, talking to themselves and shit. Again, I feel that more could have been done on this front, but it was not.

Visually, the film looked awesome, and had these really bizarre and random scenes cutting through the whole time, and they worked. The original cut scenes in the beginning piecing together the robbery were good, until they no longer meant anything. Again, the first half of the movie and the second half don’t necessarily jibe too well. The music was sufficiently quirky for this, and fit it. But then there were things that pissed me right off. The Chop already mentioned that last bit in the mines. I couldn’t see one damn fucking thing, and that peeved me endlessly.

Don’t know… when all was said and done, Carnage Park wasn’t anything special.