Let’s just start by saying that, aside from having the greatest title (U.S.) I’ve ever seen – The Thingy is a miserable Belgian movie that is absolutely NOT fun at all and if I had that bazooka I’ve wanted for years to use on stupid automobile drivers, I would bazooka this fucking thing off of the face of the Earth and not think twice about it. That being said, this is probably some asshole’s favorite movie due to its art-house fucking rendering of the in justices of being bullied for being different and all of that stupid shit. This thing irritated me to no end from start to finish and if I could commit manslaughter on a movie, this would be my first choice. Spoilers follow if you’re considering this rotten piece of shit.
A man plays a female body builder. She has a baby in the gym and tosses it out but keeps the placenta. The placenta gets baptized, is named Luke, grows and eyeball and she eats the baby. As if things were going bad enough, then the thing started to talk.
I don’t know if I can do this trait the injustice it deserves but, imagine if you could make yourself stupid. Half close your eyes, set your mouth open and kind of slur some words in the meekest, most feeble voice you can. And then talk a lot. I tried to make a graphic representing the sound of its voice but you probably won’t be able to see it much unless you’re on a larger device like a tablet or laptop but here goes:
So the fucking things grows and goes to school and gets bullied and goes to a movie and slithers around leaving a trail of blood behind him. It evens wears a fucking watch.
It even goes on a fucking date and smoke a cigarette.
Eventually his mom ODs on steroids so it goes crazy and murders a bunch of babies in a hospital nursery before his priest eats him for dinner. THE END.
That’s enough for this fucking movie. That picture above didn’t happen in this movie but I thought it would be nice after those other images. Neither did the one below but I wanted to provide something for the ladies. You can’t go wrong with Gary Cooper, right??
RIGHT??
Gary Cooper would be so proud to be associated with this movie.
Sounds like a Troma movie.
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Totally Troma. Totally shit.
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OMG Eric! This sounds like one of those movies that leave you wondering about the mental state of all the participants.😕 I have to say thigh your comment about committing manslaughter on a movie cracked me up! And awesome pic of Gary Cooper!
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OMG it was SO BAD and LOL!! HAHAHA!!! Stupid movie!!
Go Gary Cooper!!
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Do you ever wonder what the Hell is going on in the minds of the writers, directors, producers of this stuff? Are they bonkers, or on drugs? I mean honestly! A talking placenta? Sheesh!
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I sure do – I guess this Belgian guy thought this would be a good idea. Probably thought up over a nice dinner of hashish : )
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😆😆😆
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Grr, I just wrote a post but got booted out and had to reset my password – comment gone! Anyway, it was basically ‘this sounds terrible blah blah where do you find them etc, looks abysmal and not even good bad, just horrible’ etc.
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Laura!!
dear fn,
It was wretched. And I was so excited because of the name : (
Yours,
ei
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Sweet Pappy
I’ve missed you!
This sounds shit. Seriously, wow. Don’t you feel the world has become obsessed with placenta? It’s grossing me out!
I ALSO want a Bazooka for my car. And one of those loudspeakers that will enable me to tell people exactly what I think of them for turning on their hazards and stopping anywhere (it’s a favourite pastime for South-African drivers)
Love,
Kidney
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Sweetest Kidney!!
I’ve missed you too! This movie was bullshit…
Let’s go into the bazooka business!! Natasha Kidney can be CEO : )
Love,
Uncle Pappy
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Kindest PSC,
Dear lord, what the fuck did you watch? This sounds RIDICULOUS. Ew. And those pics. Nasty man. This just… I wanted to mail you a bazooka just reading this, so you could exact your justice.
Love,
JJB
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Sweet JJB,
Maybe if we ever get Raising Hell done we can make a movie about a guy who goes around bazooka-ing everything he doesn’t like. Movies, spiders, asparagus…
Love,
SSC
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Kindest PSC,
Oh hell yeah! I can totally see how that would work.
#FuckAsparagus
#Amityville2
#TheThingy
Love,
IJB
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JB!!
HAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!
#jackblack
#NewJersey
#TheAmityvillePlayhouse
#TheThingy
Love,
SPSC
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Hahahaha Eric man! How ya been mate? Funny as fuck post – this had me gafuwwing – “if I could commit manslaughter on a movie” hahahaha good shit man, good shit. Keep it up, I know you’re busy as hell but hey man, you and your site still rule!! 🙂
peace
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Jordan!! What’s up??? Thanks for the love, man! I’m trying : )
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no worries!! keep it up mate. I’m doin well, bout to start studying so I’m gonna be busy as fuck too. Less time for the blog but oh well! Still cool to keep in touch with the cool peeps I’ve met along the way
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we’ll definitely keep in touch!! Good luck with your studies!
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Yes let’s keep in touch mate for sho! 😀
And cheers, I can’t wait to finish and start working and helping people! 😀
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Good luck!!!
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Thank you my friend 🙂
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Oh my god. I need to see this movie.
#thingysies
#placentsies
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You know what? A walking talking placenta, I SOOOO HAVE WATCH THIS MOVIE 😆
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YOU. HAVE. BEEN. WARNED.
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Lol but I do love a reeeeeally bad movie so this seems like perfection for me.
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omG were can i watch this?
is there any nudity btw?
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LOL – I got it on iTunes… Good luck!
Nudity? Some boobs and some umbilical cord stroking…
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haha, ok, thx for the warning
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Hi there, I appeared in The Thingy (2013) aka The Miracle of Life aka The Thingy: confessions of a teenage placenta and just to let you know we all had a great time and a good laugh shooting those birth scenes of Luke in the gym.
I’m thoroughly delighted that you hated the film so much that you felt the need to write this miserable little review.
Between you and me, reading through what you wrote made laugh so hard that my ribs ended up aching!
Good luck with getting that bazooka, although I feel a water pistol might a bit too complicated for you to handle. *winks*
Kind Regards.
The bloke that played Reggy.
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Sorry I didn’t love your movie : ( : (
thanks for reading and taking the time to leave a comment!
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Oh, I certainly wouldn’t dream of ever wanting an apology, if anything I’m overjoyed and love the fact that you hated The Thingy (2013) aka The Miracle of Life aka The Thingy: confessions of a teenage placenta so much that it’s your first choice trigger for throwing a wobbler and going out on a murderous rampage with a bazooka.
Funnily enough I feel exactly the same way towards Harry Potter films. 😉
It’s been a pleasure taking the time out of my extremely busy schedule to leave you these comments.
Kind Regards.
The bloke that played Reggy.
.
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If only it was legal in the u.s.!!
Thanks again!
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