Let’s just start by saying that, aside from having the greatest title (U.S.) I’ve ever seen – The Thingy is a miserable Belgian movie that is absolutely NOT fun at all and if I had that bazooka I’ve wanted for years to use on stupid automobile drivers, I would bazooka this fucking thing off of the face of the Earth and not think twice about it. That being said, this is probably some asshole’s favorite movie due to its art-house fucking rendering of the in justices of being bullied for being different and all of that stupid shit. This thing irritated me to no end from start to finish and if I could commit manslaughter on a movie, this would be my first choice. Spoilers follow if you’re considering this rotten piece of shit.
A man plays a female body builder. She has a baby in the gym and tosses it out but keeps the placenta. The placenta gets baptized, is named Luke, grows and eyeball and she eats the baby. As if things were going bad enough, then the thing started to talk.I don’t know if I can do this trait the injustice it deserves but, imagine if you could make yourself stupid. Half close your eyes, set your mouth open and kind of slur some words in the meekest, most feeble voice you can. And then talk a lot. I tried to make a graphic representing the sound of its voice but you probably won’t be able to see it much unless you’re on a larger device like a tablet or laptop but here goes:
So the fucking things grows and goes to school and gets bullied and goes to a movie and slithers around leaving a trail of blood behind him. It evens wears a fucking watch.
It even goes on a fucking date and smoke a cigarette.
Eventually his mom ODs on steroids so it goes crazy and murders a bunch of babies in a hospital nursery before his priest eats him for dinner. THE END.
That’s enough for this fucking movie. That picture above didn’t happen in this movie but I thought it would be nice after those other images. Neither did the one below but I wanted to provide something for the ladies. You can’t go wrong with Gary Cooper, right??
Gary Cooper would be so proud to be associated with this movie.