How about that movie poster? I promise that has nothing to do with anything in this movie. So lame. Anyway, a year or so ago I watched something called “Fun Sized Horror Volume 1” which was an anthology of not very good horror shorts but there was one in particular about a reality show where the contestants had to kill each other that wasn’t bad. In it, there was an actress who I found stunningly good looking so one day I was looking at her list of movies on IMDB and saw that she was in this new thing on Netflix – this movie – so I gave it a watch. This thing was very ambitious in what it was trying to come across as but – well, let’s see. Here’s the lady – Amber Marie Bollinger.
I think she’s totally hot and would be way out of my league if I was single. Aside from that tidbit of historical trivia, this movie is shot primarily in yellow with more lens flares than I figured the sun could produce. I really have NO FUCKING IDEA why the director or DP thought that would be a good idea. Maybe this was the pitch at the first or second meeting?
Director: I wrote this movie and want to film it. I’ll direct.
Almost Graduated from Pepperdine Film School Student: OK, I’ll be your DP for free. I can put the hours to my degree at Pepperdine Film School.
Director: Thanks, Champ. I also went to Pepperdine Film School and I will be happy to support your goals and dreams.
Almost Graduated from Pepperdine Film School Student: Sweet ass, sweet! Can we film it all in yellow or gray?
Director: That sounds pretty stupid, but sure.
Almost Graduated from Pepperdine Film School Student: Are you going to get that pretty blond girl to show her cans?
Director: I’m REALLY REALLY working that angle.
So, these two dopes – well, i guess they’re not dopes – they’re brilliant students at some college in California where the sun burns so bright it will blind you in an instant. Maybe that’s not the case, but they steal university equipment and invent mind reading technology but they just can’t quite get it right. Coincidentally, this hot blond with short shorts and long legs ponies up to one of them and she just happens to be an expert on nano-technology. The whole package! Soon they are reading brain to brain and surprise – both of them want to sex her up! Who would have thought??
In a sad, tragic and Platonian twist of fate, it turns out she’s some sort of government spy and soon the military sweeps in, kidnaps them and makes them work in a lab so they can mind control places they want to invade! The end of war! Peace in our time! Plato wrote about this, right? Isn’t this what Allegory of The Cave represented?? Maybe, maybe not. I guess I’ll have to check The Record.
Soon, David, the fellow in the plaid shirt above, decides he’s had enough of helping the government plan to conquer the world so he *SPOILERS* sneaks off to Tibet (or somewhere) trains with some monks on how to control his thoughts then – goes back to work at the lab he ran away from and………… kills everyone by zapping all of their connected brains. I guess he thought that idea up at Peaceful Monk School.
Overall, I didn’t hate this movie other than the yellow and the incessant use of light. Lens flares in the college classrooms, lens flares outside, lens flares in the garage, you name it. They didn’t show it onscreen but there were also probably lens flares in the shitter when they pooped.
Oh yeah, just in case, when it wasn’t yellow, sometimes it was blue. I mean – this wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever seen but I would consider it only a reasonable time killer. One thing to be sure —–> it’s better than being stuck in a fucking airplane for five hours. It’s also probably better than these things:
- The Thingy
- Getting bit by a spider
- A hole in your tooth
- Stubbing your little toe
- My cat yelling at me constantly
- Draft beer shits
- That fucking hangnail you discover at work where you have no fingernail clippers or bandaids to cover it up with and it snags every time you but your hand in your pocket
- Paying an electrician