Isaacs Picture Conclusions

THE MUTILATOR (1984) THREE FISH HOOKS

mut1Hello! Welcome to another installment of the rarely used IPC space! Like my last post a month ago, today I’ll visit another 80s horror i had never heard of until the other day which, like that previous post, this movie also suffers from some lameness but at least it doesn’t have that ugly bald guy from The Hills Have Eyes and not one gets a fucking spider in their mouth. Although… well, let’s get to that later.

mut3So, what the fuck is this thing?? This starts off with some douchey kid eyeballing his mom making some pudding or something. Then he shoots her in the back even though  he’s CLEARLY in a different room…? Then the dad pulls up, sees his dead wife and beats his kid a little bit. So he sits down (above) pours them both a glass of whiskey and pours some in his dead wife’s mouth. Cut to his gun rack with a nice note reading (not verbatim) “your guns are all cleaned by me, love your son”.

mut4Cut to – 10 years later and the kid is now a beer drinking college student. One day, while they are minding their own business at the local bar, wondering what to do for Fall Break (which I didn’t know existed in the U.S.) (and I live in the U.S.) his son-beating dad calls him (at the bar) for the first time in ten years and asks him to go clean up the family beach house. The group agrees – YAHOO!!!! – and they head off on a road trip where hi-jinks and shenanigans will surely occur. Tits will come out, people will get laid and jizz will be salting sandbars up and down the beach, right?? RIGHT???

mut5WRONG! *SPOILERS*

As soon as they get there the dad starts murdering everyone! WHEEEEEEE! Why?? Who knows!! But he takes them out with a motorboat rotor, cuts off some heads, does some drowning, you know, your typical day at the beach. Enjoy California!

mut6As a public service, I feel that I should warn you about two things if you choose to accept this mission.

  1. The theme song over the opening and end credits is so fucking atrocious you might have to commit homicide on your ears once it’s over.
  2. Someone gets a giant fish hook up her whazzizzie for her big death scene….

mut7Overall, I enjoyed this more than Deadly Blessing but it’s nothing spectacular.

18 comments

  5. GaryGreg828

    And the award for “Best Blog of the Year” goes to…ERIC ISAACS of the IPC! (crowd cheers. Eric Isaacs rises from his seat and gropes Luke Abbott. Then makes his way to the stage and is handed the award by previous winner Ryan from The Missing Reel. Isaacs grabs the mic. with tears in his eyes)

    EI: I’m just a boy from Oklahoma. Never thought I’d see this day. Every time I wanted to stop writing, my partner wouldn’t let me stop…(camera shows a teary-eyed Scrotey in the audience)…

    EI: ain’t no time like the present, so might as well come out and say it to the whole world…Mrs. IPC is really Scrotey!! We have been together for over a decade and he is the reason I do what I do. He is the wings beneath my wings —

    (producer approaches Isaacs and whispers in his ear. Isaacs looks confused and turns back to the mic.)

    EI: I didn’t really win. Gary at “Critical Critic” is the real winner! (crowd cheers)

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