Isaacs Picture Conclusions

MIDSOMMAR (2019) THIS IS WHY WE DON’T FUCK WITH SWEDISH HIPPIES

Dude. Bro. Chief. Friendo. You can’t unsee some of the practical effects in this fucker. I even had to look away a couple of times. Are you in for some head smashing? Flaying? Unattractive cooters? This may be the movie for you! Read that in your best Stefan from Saturday Night Live voice because this has it all including people being burned alive and a super long pole dancing scene reminiscent of the video for Safety Dance. Speaking of that, a month or so ago, I went to get some booze and Safety Dance was playing on the store PA and I said something like ” god damn I haven’t heard this in forever” and the clerk said something like “yeah i remember seeing this on pop up videos when I was a kid”…. SIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH

Some Swedish college kid takes four of his American college kid friends back home to his hippie commune for a peaceful and idyllic summer pageant where they’ll smoke weed, chew shrooms and screw tall, blonde Swedish chicks. Oh and write anthropology theses. Everyone is so nice, wearing their frocks, walking around with bare feet, hugging each other and innocently flirting. Or is it innocent? And did someone just pull a pubic hair out of his mouth? That’s just nasty.

In this movie you will witness unwanted sex, plenty of flute playing, male and female full frontal junk, lots and lots of screaming and, for those who like this kind of thing, a baby crying its fucking head off. The movie is really pretty though. Except when someone gets his head bashed in with a giant hammer. #squish

One thing that did bother me here is – if this festival only happens every 90 years and this particular group of swedes only live to be 72, then the people who are to do this next time haven’t been born yet and they have learn the ritual through the translations of greasy paint smears by the deformed prophet? That seems like a big stretch.

You know what?? EVEN WHEN THERE’S NO ONE IN THE FUCKING BUILDING THERE’S ALWAYS SOMEONE IN THE TOILET TAKING A SHIT!!! FUCK! STINKING BASTARDS! that’s it. I quit. Midsommar is good but pretty gros in spots.

26 comments

  1. I am never ever going to watch Midsommar unless someone who thinks I’m a horror fan comes over and makes me and I’m too polite to say no but I sure have enjoyed everyone else’s posts about it! It’s like when I was too young to rent horror movies and reading the backs of the boxes was enough to freak me out.

    Liked by 1 person

    • theipc

      You’re probably safe to enjoy this through other people- it gets pretty gnarly. I don’t know who he hires to do his practical effects but —> gross. Great hearing from you! You know you were my first comment ever!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. We can dance. Everybody look at your hands! Holy shit, you’re right. This is the Safety Dance video! I didn’t even think of that. And I still hear that song all the time since I have it on a big 80’s playlist I listen to way too often. I’m such a nerd. Oh, and this movie was FUCKED UP. But I think I kind of liked it. Liked or hated. Dunno. But I’ll never forget it… #SafetyDanceHeadSmash Hey, too bad he was a Man without a Hat! HA! #oldnerdjoke

    Liked by 1 person

    • theipc

      For the life of me I swear they remade their own song in the early 90s. I remember listening to it while I was studying for a chemistry test in college. But I’ve never been able to find it ever. Do you remember this or was I just fucked up? #nohats #thegoodolddays

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ha! I’ve just spent ages Googling Safety Dance covers. There were quite a few covers. Maybe it was a cover?? Maybe I should Google the difference between alligators & crocodiles now??? #WikipediaFacts 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      • theipc

        Well shit- I just went searching and couldn’t find anything either then I just ended up watching the video over and over. #mandolinsandmidgets

        Like

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