Isaacs Picture Conclusions

GOAT WITCH (2014) THAT DEMON WAS KIND OF HOT

A very naked witch and her Witness gather inside a circle of candles to perform a ritual the will help her transcend this reality and show her the dark core of the universe. Lofty expectations! This isn’t the movie where the lady fucks the goat so don’t worry about that here. This also isn’t the movie where the drunken burnout faces off against the Goatman of Bowie, Texas. This is the one where the naked lady summons two undead elders from the ground to sacrament her flesh so the demon can rise, pleasure and kill her so she can exit from the cocoon of her human form. Got it?

I can’t believe how good the practical effects were in this thing – this includes the makeup, costumes and bloody gore. To me it looks like this would have been very expensive… or maybe it was all real! It does sound like what I imagined was going on in the rooms sharing my wall at the hotel in New Jersey. Chanting, drums, singing, moans of ecstasy, biting, ripping, screaming and decapitation… a typical Tuesday night at the Holiday Inn. Speaking of Holiday Inn, have any of you travelers ever stayed at one and noticed they have an alarming lack of electrical outlets? Be sure to pack two power strips so you can charge more than one device AND power your travel fan.

This is a pretty remarkable little 9 minute horror. The make up is crazy good, the blood effects are grisly and some gets their head ripped off. Fantastic news! By the way, theres a lot of nudity in this thing so be careful. You probably don’t want to watch this on a public bus. Or at Wednesday night church.

After all this talk about demons and drums and the universe’s dark core, here’s something funny. I don’t know why this cracks me up so much.

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