theipc

GOAT WITCH (2014) THAT DEMON WAS KIND OF HOT

November 6, 2019 by theipc

A very naked witch and her Witness gather inside a circle of candles to perform a ritual the will help her transcend this reality and show her the dark core of the universe. Lofty expectations! This isn’t the movie where the lady fucks the goat so don’t worry about that here. This also isn’t the movie where the drunken burnout faces off against the Goatman of Bowie, Texas. This is the one where the naked lady summons two undead elders […]

Categories: Boobs, Death and Destruction, Four Top Hats, Movie Reviews, SATAN!, Short Film, Very Gory • Tags: #tacos, Ashleigh Jones Sizemore, athena sanchez, Boobs, earrings, goat witch movie, James Sizemore, Maia Costello, nipples, the universe's dark core, undead

THE BLOODY BALLAD OF SQUIRT REYNOLDS (2018) HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

October 30, 2019 by theipc

Aside from holding the golden cup with “BEST MOVIE TITLE EVER” stenciled in it, this 8 minute movie lived up to its name and I totally loved it. Some kid, in the 70s, had a lip deformity so he hid his face behind a plastic Burt Reynolds mask, complete with pitch black caterpillar mustache. I don’t remember how, but one night he puts it on and it burns permanently on to his face so he runs off screaming into the […]

Categories: 80s, Death and Destruction, Excitement, Four Top Hats, Grindhouse, I LOVED IT, No Boobs, Slasher • Tags: Anthony cousins, briana patnode, kissing, lana mattson, No Boobs, Slasher, squirt Reynolds, Summer Camp, the bloody ballad of squirt Reynolds

CRAWL (2019) SCODELARIO VS. THE ALLIGATORS

October 23, 2019 by theipc

Let’s start this off with a few quick remarks about some things. I don’t know shitfuck about alligators except that they are the reason I don’t go into fresh bodies of water. I don’t know that if they bite your arm your arm comes clean off or not. I don’t know the difference between an alligator and a crocodile. I don’t know why I get in trouble for calling people that live in England “British ” and I don’t know […]

Categories: Death and Destruction, Four Top Hats, Grindhouse, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Thriller, Very Gory • Tags: Alexandre Aja, ALLIGATORS, BARRY PEPPER, crawl movie review, Kaya Scodelario, LEGS, No Boobs, they don't kill the dog

MIDSOMMAR (2019) THIS IS WHY WE DON’T FUCK WITH SWEDISH HIPPIES

October 16, 2019 by theipc

Dude. Bro. Chief. Friendo. You can’t unsee some of the practical effects in this fucker. I even had to look away a couple of times. Are you in for some head smashing? Flaying? Unattractive cooters? This may be the movie for you! Read that in your best Stefan from Saturday Night Live voice because this has it all including people being burned alive and a super long pole dancing scene reminiscent of the video for Safety Dance. Speaking of that, […]

Categories: Boobs, Death and Destruction, Drama, Four Top Hats, GROSS!!, Very Gory • Tags: ari asters, BEAVERS, Boobs, Dongs, florence Pugh, Gross, gunnel fred, isabelle grill, Midsommar

STAY (2017) WHO’S IN LOVE WITH A HAIRY DEMON? CAROL.

October 9, 2019 by theipc

Another one of the Alter short films, I absolutely loved this thing. It’s funny, sexy, Satan-y and even a little bloody. Great job team! I don’t know if I can pull off a full piece on an 8 minute movie but we’ll see what happens. Maybe I’ll start drinking beer and ramble on and on about something irrelevant and stupid, which is not unexpected at this place. I’ll also have to spoil but can you really spoil an 8 minute […]

Categories: Four Top Hats, I LOVED IT, JIZZ, No Boobs, SATAN! • Tags: alter, Anna seregina chris Lee, Davey johnson, David mikalson, Kate freund, nicole bagby, satan! lindsay ames, stay short film 2017

A TRIPLET OF MOVIES FROM THE ALTER SHORT FILM COLLECTION pt 1

October 2, 2019 by theipc

Are you familiar with the Short Horror Film community on YouTube? Should you be? Well – it exists. Over the last year or so, I’ve watched some really good ones and some big time shiteaters – but one thing that seems to be solid is the company ALTER. They seem to encourage quality production, good acting and the – often – good story. It seems this is difficult to match in a 6 – 15 minute movie, but they seem […]

Categories: Drama, Four Top Hats, GROSS!!, I'm Stupid, JIZZ, SATAN!, Very Gory • Tags: Alexandra nolan, allison winn, alter short horror films, backstroke shirt film, boxroom short film, Butts, Demons, Dongs, east hell short film, erika mcgann, goats, Gross, Jennifer rostami, josefine christoffersen, Lauren nicole cipoletti, Satan!!, siri Miller, the gaze short film, wall taco

RAMBO: LAST BLOOD (2019) AAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW SHIT!!

September 25, 2019 by theipc

I’ve seen a bunch of people talking shit about this movie and what the fuck? What did these ‘film critics ‘ expect from Rambo 5?? A nice treatise about the experience of an elderly Vietnam veteran living peacefully on a ranch, wistfully reflecting on his experiences in the jungle? A sweet and nostalgic rendering of life in the 70s told through the eyes of an aging man to his adoptive daughter? What the fuck? This is Rambo goddammit and he […]

Categories: Death and Destruction, Excitement, Four Top Hats, I LOVED IT, No Boobs, Very Gory • Tags: I'm gonna hurt you real bad, Paz Vega, Rambo, rambo last blood, Sylvester Stallone, Very Gory

ESCAPE ROOM (2019) IT HAS THE HOT CHICK FROM TRUE BLOOD IN IT

September 19, 2019 by theipc

First off, if I want to do a piece out here on this site I pay dearly for, I have to do it on my phone and my old eyes suck so these images I tried to capture are not the best and I couldn’t find a good poster for this thing that I liked so there’s that. Second, a lot of people dog on PG-13 horror (me) for their lack of anything horror-y but someone told me this was […]

Categories: Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Three Top Hats • Tags: Deborah Ann wall, escape room movie, it's ok, Jessica sutton, no booobs, Taylor Russell, Tyler lebine

BRIGHTBURN (2019) THREE PIECES OF BROKEN LIGHTBULB IN YOUR EYE

September 12, 2019 by theipc

Remember that mean, median, mode chart you studied in school that never had anything to do with anything in your life? That’s about how this goes. It starts off a little shaky, gets pretty good in the middle and then kind of shits its pants at the end. Do you know about this movie? I’m going to talk about the ending but it’s not some huge spoiler because this isn’t a mystery or some kitchy movie with a big twist, […]

Categories: GROSS!!, No Boobs, Three Top Hats, Thriller, Very Gory • Tags: Anne Humphrey, brightburn, David denman, Elizabeth Banks, emmie hunter, Jennifer Holland, meredith hagner, No Boobs, Roy from the office

Isaacs Picture Conclusions

An Honest Review from an Honest (and Gassy) Guy (who doesn't take things too seriously)

Author Archives: theipc