Category Archives: 2013

GRABBERS (2012) FOUR TOP HATS

November 9, 2016 by theipc

In the absence of being able to write anything new, I thought I would share my thoughts (again) on this movie I just love. I was able to watch this the other day and absolutely loved it all over again. Feckin awesome. I wish every movie could be this fun. I’m getting ready to go dump a bunch of praise on this movie because I absolutely LOVED it. It’s an Irish monster movie with it’s tongue so far in it’s […]

Categories: 2013, Excitement, Four Top Hats, No Boobs, Sci - Fi • Tags: Aliens, Bronagh Gallagher, Clelia Murphy, Drunk Fuckers!, Grabbers 2013 Movie Review, Irish Bastards!, Jon Wright, Loved It, No Boobs, Richard Coyle, Russell Tovey, Ruth Bradley, Science Fiction

THE LAST DAYS ON MARS (2013) FOUR TOP HATS

August 29, 2016 by theipc

I just watched this for the first time in three years and I really liked it again. Then I checked out this post from THREE YEARS ago and thought it would be OK to share again. I’m really starting like Liev Shreiber. I love him in Ray Donovan. I also loved how this thing too it’s time and did it right. Love it. I don’t know how short I am going to keep this because sometimes I have one, maybe […]

Categories: 2013, Excitement, Four Top Hats, I LOVED IT, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Sci - Fi, Thriller • Tags: Beautiful, Elias Koteas, Goran Kostic, I Fucking Loved It, Liev Schreiber, No Boobs, Not as Good as Gravity Though, Olivia Williams, Romola Garai, Ruairi Robinson, SCI-FI / Horror, Space, The Last Days on Mars

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 5: FIVE ACROSS THE EYES (2006)

March 23, 2016 by theipc

Howdy! This post serves two purposes… 1) I watched a movie on the plane the other day that reminded me of this horrible piece of shit (hope to write about it soon) and 2) Shitfest 2016 is coming!!! We’re working out some procedural kinks but we should have a big announcement ready soon!! We don’t want to not have everything in order and be premature ejac – um – remov – um we just want everything to be solid so […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, Nothing, One Top Hat, SHITFEST 2013!, Very Gory • Tags: A Terrible Piece of Shit, AFTER ALL OF THAT... NO BOOBS, ANGELA BRUNDA, DANIELLE LILLEY, FIVE ACROSS THE EYES MOVIE REVIEW, JENNIFER BARNETT, MIA YI, MISERABLE, SANDRA PADUCH, SHITFEST 2013!, VERONICA GARCIA

INGLORIOUS BASTERDS (2009) FOUR NAZI SCALPS

January 2, 2014 by theipc

I don’t know what I’m doing here today. I don’t know what dumb ole me could say about this that hasn’t already been said by much better people and writers than me… I really love most of this movie but, like I wrote about in DEATH PROOF – there’s just way too much goddamned talking in parts of this, some of which makes it dreadfully boring in parts (say, the first life draining and eternal movie theater scene) so I […]

Categories: 2013, Action, Drama, Excitement, Four Top Hats, I LOVED IT, No Boobs, Very Gory • Tags: Bad Ass Hebrews, Bloody Fucker, Brad Pitt, Christoph Waltz, Denis Ménochet, Diane Kruger, Eli Roth, Eli Roth SUCKS, Frenchmen, Inglorious Basterds Movie Review, Mélanie Laurent, Melanie Laurent is SMOKING HOT, Michael Fassbender, Nazi Scalps, No Boobs, Quentin Tarantino, Til Schweiger

ANTISOCIAL (2013) NOT TOO BAD

January 1, 2014 by theipc

*There IS a spoiler below – although it’s not something you couldn’t figure out from the trailer* Someone once told me that every movie is someone’s favorite movie – and I totally believe that. If you look at this movie, I can totally see this being someone’s favorite thing. It’s very low budget, it’s a little slow at times, the acting is kind of dodgy from a couple of the cast and it’s filled with Canadians “OOT and ABOOTing” their […]

Categories: 2013, Four Top Hats, No Boobs, Very Gory • Tags: Adam Christie, Ana Alic, Antisocial 2013 Movie Review, Ascending Score, Cody Calahan, Cody Ray Thompson, Laurel Brandes, Lots of Canadians, Michelle Mylett, Nice and Bloody, No Boobs, OOT and ABOOT

THE ENTITY (1982) 3 GHOST FONDLES

December 30, 2013 by theipc

I remember seeing this movie on video-tape back when it first came out – if this was released in 1982 then it probably became available in 1983 or 4 so I would have been living at _________ and this was still back when it was safe, so a kid could walk a mile to the local video store and pick up a sleazy movie that the stoned teenager working the counter didn’t give a fuck how old you were. With […]

Categories: 2013, 80s, Boobs, Drive - In, HUH???, Three Top Hats, Thriller • Tags: arbara Hershey, Beards, Boobs, David Labiosa, Enjoy Boobs Don't Destroy Boobs, Groping Ghosts, Margaret Blye, Not Very Good, Ron Silver, Ron Silver's Shitty Hairdo, The Entity 1982 Movie Review, The Sex

HERE COMES THE DEVIL (2013) FOUR TOP HATS!

December 27, 2013 by theipc

HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL YEAH!!! This movie rocked my lame ass. It’s been an XMAS miracle that I’ve seen a couple of really good movies lately. Screw 8MM and MAD COWGIRL – give me this and WAWWA any day. This thing rocked from start to finish – I mean, yeah there’s a few slow moments but – hey – who cares? This post may contain some spoilers regarding the plot but not the big reveal or the ending. This movie is totally worth […]

Categories: 2013, Boobs, Excitement, Four Top Hats, I LOVED IT, SATAN!, Very Gory • Tags: Adrián García Bogliano, Barbara Perrin Rivemar, Boobs, Don't go in that Fucking Cave!!!!, Francisco Barreiro, Here Comes The Devil 2013 Movie Review, I Loved It, Laura Caro, Mexican Boobs, Satan and his Buddies, The Devil Stood on My Chest, The Sex, Very Gory, Wicked Awesome

8MM – I FEEL SO UNCLEAN

December 26, 2013 by theipc

Did everyone have a happy holiday?? Is anyone reading anything today?? I have to go back to work in a few hours from when this publishes…. : ( BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO work!!! BOOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Anyway – so – did you have a good XMAS? Did you eat a Christmas Goose? Did you warm your cockles by the fire? Did you make snow angels while nekkid??? (Pics please) I love this time of the year – except for the last few years […]

Categories: 2013, 90s, Boobs, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, Slasher, Three Top Hats, Thriller • Tags: 8MM 1999 Movie Review, Amy Morton, Anthony Heald, Boobs, Catherine Keener, Chris Bauer, Despair and Agony, Filth and Shame, FUCKING UNCLEAN, Gloom and Disgust, James Gandolfini, Jenny Powell, Joaquin Phoenix, Joel Schumacher, Nicolas Cage, Peter Stormare

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM THE IPC : )

December 25, 2013 by theipc

The 25th is a big day around the world – so if this is hitting you at the close of the day – I hope you’ve had a good one!!! For me, by the time this publishes, I will be asleep in bed with MRS THE IPC and our dogs – and maybe a cat or two. It will be warm and wonderful and a happy thing. I wish you ALL nothing but the best and THANK YOU for everything […]

Categories: 2013, Boobs, Five Top Hats • Tags: Boobs, I HEART YOU ALL, Mushy, Mushy Boobs

ISAACS INTERVIEWS CINEMA PARROT DISCO

December 24, 2013 by theipc

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE!! I’m not a religious guy but I thoroughly enjoy the Christmas season – I like the lights and our Christmas tree and the ornaments and all of that good stuff – and I like giving out presents!! Well – today we have a very special pre-Christmas present as I am able to present to you the meeting minutes of the session I had recently where I sat down with Cinema Parrot Disco and we discussed some very, […]

Categories: 2013, Excitement, Five Top Hats, I LOVED IT, Isaacs Interviews • Tags: Cinema Parrot Disco, ISAACS INTERVIEWS, YOU PEOPLE ROCK!!!

WE ARE WHAT WE ARE (2013) FOUR BIG TIME TOP HATS

December 23, 2013 by theipc

HAPPY MONDAY!! Is your Yule log ready to burn?? Are your stockings hung with care?? WAIT – your stockings should be on your feet, silly! Today we present my thoughts on a movie that I REALLY liked – WE ARE WHAT WE ARE – a remake of a 2010 Mexican job that I reviewed HERE. I would only love it if you clicked that link and read that because I had a lot of fun with that write-up and I […]

Categories: 2013, Cannibal Bastards, Excitement, Four Top Hats, I LOVED IT, No Boobs, Thriller • Tags: Ambyr Childers, Annemarie Lawless, Bill Sage, GO GO GO Watch This, I Totally Loved It, Jim Mickle, Julia Garner, Kassie Wesley DePaiva, Kelly McGillis, Michael Parks, People Eating People, The Sex, We Are What We Are 2013 Movie Review

AN IPC TEASE

December 20, 2013 by theipc

I just wanted to get this out there before people go off on holiday – if you’re looking for something to watch while you warm your cockles by the fire – if you can find this, check it out – it’s fucking fantastic! More to come –

Categories: 2013 • Tags: Boobs, FANTASTIC, Satan and his Buddies

BELA KISS: PROLOGUE (2013) STRANGE BUT GOOD

December 20, 2013 by theipc

This is a strange movie – and I don’t mean strange like some LSD trippy movie from the late 60s. It’s weird, because some of this thing is absolutely beautiful, like there’s this scene at 1:10 that was fucking wicked and some of the blood effects are downright grizzly. Oh – and the use of extreme slo-mo here and there was perfect for me. But then there’s some questionable use of flashback and voiceover that seemed really out of place […]

Categories: 2013, Cannibal Bastards, Four Top Hats, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Thriller, Very Gory • Tags: Bela Kiss: Prologue Movie Review, Collien Ulmen-Fernandes, Crazy Germans!, Fabian Stumm, Hairless Fucker, Hungarian Bastards, Janina Elkin, Julia Horvath, Kristina Klebe, No Boobs, Rudolf Martin, Serial Killer

MAD COWGIRL (2006) WHAT IN THE FUCK???

December 17, 2013 by theipc

First off, I want to say one thing – I really think this could have been a good movie. Second off, I want to release a news snippet that I am drinking beer waiting on the wife to get home. Third off – I never really give a fuck about the commenters on IMDB because they are either “I LOVE YOU MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” fake shit or “WORST FUCKING LIFE ENDING MOVIE SHIT YOU GAVE ME CRABS AND I AM GOING TO […]

Categories: 2013, Action, Boobs, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Nothing, One Top Hat • Tags: 8 Diagram Pole Fighter, A Miserable Thing, Boobs, Devon Odessa, Fucking Terrible, James Duval, Katie Weaver, Mad Cowgirl 2006 Movie Review, Sarah Lassez, The Sex, This Chick Is Cute Though, Walter Koenig

SHIVER (2012) TWO TOP HATS

December 16, 2013 by theipc

Severed heads in a jar???? CHECK!! Danielle Harris???? CHECK!! John Jarratt (from WOLF CREEK) CHECK!!!! The Starship Trooper???? CHECK!!!! And then →→→→→→→→→ this movie went out and totally totally sucked some balls. I don’t really want to get into the topic of ball sucking because I get enough pervy Googlers out here, but, by using that term I mean it’s not good. From the opening scene where Jarratt is in a diner fantasizing about the hot, teenage waitress all chained […]

Categories: 2013, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Nothing, Thriller, Two Top Hats • Tags: Casper van Dien, Danielle Harris, Heads in A Jar, I Still Heart Danielle Harris, John Jarratt, Lisa Foiles, Mckenzie Coffee, MISERABLE, Nikita Esco, No Boobs, No Nothin', No Sex, Rae Dawn Chong, Savannah Johnson, Shiver 2012 Movie Review, Valerie Harper

THE SEASONING HOUSE (2013) FOUR BIG TOP HATS

December 13, 2013 by theipc

I read about this on a few of the sites I follow earlier in the year and remembered that it sounded good – but I also remember thinking I was going to get some artsy fartsy treatise on the nature of the European Sex Trade Industry so I was a little tentative going into this when I rented it the other day. With that expectation set what I got was a powerful, gory, KICK ASS, awesome horror that I absolutely […]

Categories: 2013, Action, Excitement, Four Top Hats, I LOVED IT, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Thriller, Very Gory • Tags: Anna Walton, Bloody as allgitout, Brutal, Dominique Provost-Chalkley, I Fucking Loved It, Jemma Powell, Kevin Howarth, Paul Hyett, Rosie Day, Sean Pertwee, Surprisingly No Boobs, The Seasoning House Movie Review, This Made Me Very Happy

ISAACS INTERVIEWS NICK FROM THE CINEMATIC KATZENJAMMER

December 12, 2013 by theipc

Today’s interview is a little saltier than the last few – but that’s the relationship Nick and I have – a salty one. Salty bobalty even. In fact, it’s saltier than a big bowl of salt. If you’re somehow not familiar, Nick is one of the big writers over at THE CINEMATIC KATZENJAMMER, a big time, slick looking website that puts out a lot of content. Oh, and Nick puts out. For a good time call check out his site. […]

Categories: 2013, Boobs, Excitement, Five Top Hats, I LOVED IT, Isaacs Interviews • Tags: Boobs, ISAACS INTERVIEWS, SMOOCHES, THE CINEMATIC KATZENJAMMER, YOU PEOPLE ROCK!!!

DEATH PROOF (2007) THREE TOP HATS

December 11, 2013 by theipc

Despite the fact that he’s turned into one of the ugliest men in Hollywood, we all love Quentin Tarantino’s movies, right? Right? Sure. This may get some people to unfollow me but I am all about honesty here and there’s this –> there is always something I don’t like about his movies: there’s WAY TOO MUCH GODDAMN TALKING. “BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB […]

Categories: 2013, Action, Drive - In, Excitement, Grindhouse, No Boobs, Thriller • Tags: Death Proof Movie Review, Drive In, Eli Roth, Grindhouse, Jordan Ladd, Kurt Russell, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, No Boobs - Not even a Hint, Pretentious Bullshit, Quentin Tarantino, Rosario Dawson, Rose McGowan, Vanessa Ferlito, Way Too Much Talking, Zoe Bell

HELL HOUSE: THE BOOK OF SAMIEL (2008) A REAL PIECE OF SHIT

December 10, 2013 by theipc

This thing was fucking terrible… why do I do this to myself? Oh yeah – so YOU don’t make the mistake and spend your hard earned simolians on them. This was blurry and choppy and the sound was terrible and the music miserable and the acting so poor it lives in a dirty slum and the special effects were so fake they might as well be 88″ plastic boobs. Even if 88″ inch plastic boobs turns you on, this won’t. […]

Categories: 2013, Boobs, FUCKING TERRIBLE, Ghosts, HUH???, I'm Stupid, SATAN!, WHY??? • Tags: A Dildo In the Tub, Geof Libby, GOD AWFUL, Half Naked Chick Covered in Blood, Hell House: The Book of Samiel Movie Review, Kari Wishingrad, Laura Jane Coles, Michael Anthony Carlisi, Misery, Not even a bunch of boobs helped this, Sheila Kraics

SHAOLIN SOCCER (2001) ALL KINDS OF FUN

December 9, 2013 by theipc

The discerning reader blessed with long term memory might remember that a couple of weeks ago I posted my thoughts on my favorite Martial Arts Comedy movie ever: KUNG FU HUSTLE. Well, that day a couple of beautiful people advised that I should watch the director / lead’s other movie – this one – and I said something like “I’m not watching a movie about SOCCER, leave that to the likes of Mark and Tyson!!” and they said “Don’t be […]

Categories: 2013, Action, Excitement, Four Top Hats, No Boobs • Tags: A Bald Chick, All Kinds of Fun, Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting!!, Line Dancing, No Boobs, Pimples, Shaolin Soccer Movie Review, Steel Leg and Iron Head, Stephen Chow, Wei Zhao, Yat-fei Wong, You Look Like E. T.

AN AMERICAN GHOST STORY (2012 / 13) PLEASE READ

December 6, 2013 by theipc

Sometimes it’s difficult to review independent movies like these. According to IMDB, this was made for 10 Grand, had a staff of three, a cast of five, it made me jump about six times and I want to come out and defend it and give it four top hats and I may be thin but I am tall and l have a lot of torque and I’ll punch you if you go dogging it because I want to meet these […]

Categories: 2013, Four Top Hats, Ghosts, No Boobs, Thriller • Tags: An American Ghost Story 2013 Movie Review, Could've Used Some Boobs, Derek Cole, Ghosts, I Really Liked It, Independent Film, Jon Gale, Kind of Boring, Liesel Kopp, No Boobs, Sheets!, Stephen Twardokus, Support These Guys, THIS WOULD FUCKING TERRIFY ME IF THIS HAPPENED IN REAL LIFE, Wendy Haines

THANK YOU!!!!!

December 5, 2013 by theipc

Hi everyone – I just wanted to take a minute to come out here and tell you how much you all mean to me. I never, ever figured more than one or two people would read this place much less ever come back but look at what we’ve been able to do. We have fun conversations and back and forths and I feel like I’ve genuinely made friends who I would like to go meet someday if I had any […]

Categories: 2013, Boobs • Tags: Boobs, I HEART YOU ALL

HALF ASS REVIEWS: BRAZIL

December 5, 2013 by theipc

I watched this when I was a kid and really liked it. I watched it almost 30 years later and – not so much. In fact, it was noisy and loud and, quite frankly, irritating. So much so that I can’t muster the energy to do a full post. Government control, commercialism and escapism is the story and it takes over 2 and half hours to get to the end. Robert DeNiro is fun as a freelance, guerrilla HVAC guy […]

Categories: 2013, 80s, Boobs, Half Ass Reviews, Sci - Fi, Three Top Hats • Tags: Boobs, Brazil 1985 Movie Review, Half Ass Reviews, Jonathan Pryce, Kim Greist, Loud and Noisy, Not As Good As I Remembered, Paperwork, Robert De Niro, Sci-Fi, Terry Gilliam, Whiny Fucker

WHAT THE HELL??? THE REST OF THE HELLRAISER MOVIES

December 4, 2013 by theipc

HELLRAISER 4: BLOODLINE 1996 Pinhead goes to space and Adam Scott looks like a woman. This one wasn’t very good and it’s main focus was presenting us with how THE BOX was made and the lineage of the dude who made it. You’ll live if you give this one a pass. HELLRAISER 5: INFERNO 2000 This one’s not too bad but you’ll have to deal with Craig Sheffer for an hour and a half. The Cenobites aren’t really in this […]

Categories: 2013, Boobs, Cenobites, Found Footage, FUCKING TERRIBLE, Half Ass Reviews, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, Nothing, One Top Hat, Population Sample, Two Top Hats, WHY??? • Tags: Adam Scott, Anna Tolputt, Ashley Laurence, Boobs, Catalina Alexandru, Charlotte Chatton, Christopher Jacot, Craig Sheffer, Dean Winters, Devon Sorvari, Doug Bradley, Fred Tatasciore, Georgina Rylance, HELLRAISER 4: BLOODLINE 1996, HELLRAISER 5: INFERNO 2000, HELLRAISER 6: HELLSEEKER 2002, HELLRAISER 7: DEADER 2005, HELLRAISER 8: HELLWORLD 2005, HELLRAISER 9: REVELATIONS 2011, Henry Cavill, James Remar, Jody Thompson, Kaaren de Zilva, Kari Wuhrer, Kari Wuhrer's Boobs Are Wonderful Things, Katheryn Winnick, Kim Myers, Lance Henriksen, Lindsay Taylor, Nicholas Turturro, Nick Eversman, Noelle Evans, Paul Rhys, Population Sample, Rachel Hayward, Sanny Van Heteren, Sarah-Jane Redmond, Sasha Barrese, Simon Kunz |, some of these movies are fucking terrible, The Hellraiser Franchise, Tracey Fairaway, Valentina Vargas