Category Archives: SHITFEST 2013: FALL

ONLY GOD FORGIVES (AGAIN)

November 21, 2014 by theipc

Hello again Most Beloveds! The other day I cleaned myself up again and put on some pants and did some filming for our friend Cara’s month long NOOOOvember marathon! I know I wrote about this once for one of our Shitfests but this time I took my video recorder in hand and made three short films! If you feel so inclined – you can click HERE to go check them out. If not – you could just stare at the […]

Categories: 2014, Boobs, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Nothing, One Top Hat, SATAN!, SHITFEST 2013: FALL, WHY??? • Tags: apples, cara gale is a superstar, cocks, IPC VIDEO, No Boobs, only god forgives, spacemen

A Day In The Life of a Shitfest Champion

October 31, 2013 by Smash

Hey dudes, Smash here reporting for The IPC. Sup? A couple of weeks ago something exciting happened. I woke up, rubbed the sleep out of my tired eyes, and checked my emails. Much to my delight, I’d gotten something from Isaacs. He told me that I won Shitfest Fall. My jaw actually dropped and I stared at the screen in total shock for a few minutes before it fully registered. I won. I fucking won. Unbelievable. I was just in it for […]

Categories: 2013, Excitement, Five Top Hats, I LOVED IT, SHITFEST 2013: FALL • Tags: SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, SHITFEST FOREVER!!, Smashingthroughlife

AND THE WINNER IS!!!!!!!!!

October 7, 2013 by theipc

SMASH AT SMASHING THROUGH LIFE WITH RUMPELSTILTSKIN!!! I reality, every single one of you are champions but, we have to award a prize to someone since I’m not a billionaire!! SHITFEST FALL was FANTASTIC!! THANK YOU EVERYONE AGAIN!!!! SMASH will receive either a 50 dollar prize in her currency or (hopefully) a beautiful looking trophy depending on how much it costs to ship where she lives. CONGRATULATIONS SMASH!!!! (P.S. Smash, I took tomorrow off and am scheduling this for in […]

Categories: 2013, Excitement, Five Top Hats, Found Footage, I LOVED IT, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2013: FALL • Tags: SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, SHITFEST FOREVER!!, SMASHING THROUGH LIFE, YOU PEOPLE ROCK!!!

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ JENNIFER’S BODY

September 30, 2013 by theipc

BY: In 2008 or so it was announced that cutey pie Amanda Seyfried would be teaming up with plastic faced Megan Fox to do a horror movie written by the person who did Juno (Diablo Cody). I was initially excited because I was a fan of Seyfried on BIG LOVE and I like horror. Then I watched Diablo Cody’s JUNO. I don’t think I’ve ever actually physically hated a movie so much in my life that it makes me nauseous […]

Categories: 2013, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013: FALL, WHY??? • Tags: Adam Brody, Amanda Seyfried, Chris Pratt, Diablo Cody, Jennifer's Body is TERRIBLE, Megan Fox, Not Even Any Boobs For Our Troubles, SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, There's Really a Character named Needy in This

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL

September 29, 2013 by theipc

BY: DEEP RED RUM Nobody likes to feel left out, even curmudgeonly people such as myself. Occasionally when my horror loving brethren out there are going all fanperson on a movie, and said movie leaves me cold, I feel like I’m really missing a good party. Just like when I taste a McRib, or listen to a dubstep track, I just don’t get what all the fuss is about. Seldom has this hit me more strongly than it does with […]

Categories: 2013, I LOVED IT, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2013: FALL, Thriller • Tags: A.J. Bowen, Dee Wallace, DEEP RED RUM, Greta Gerwig, Heather Robb, Jocelin Donahue, Mary Woronov, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, The House of the, Tom Noonan, WEDNESDAY'S CHILD

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ MORTAL KOMBAT

September 28, 2013 by theipc

BY: NOT NOW I’M DRINKING A BEER AND WATCHING A MOVIE Busy day drinking beer and watching my hockey club finals. Now time to help out @theipcdotme with Shitfest Fall with a little live tweet. — Tim @ Beermovie.net (@beer_movie) September 14, 2013 The exceptional film I have chosen is MORTAL KOMBAT (1995). I hope it's not actually good. Twould be awkward for shitfest #kombattweet — Tim @ Beermovie.net (@beer_movie) September 14, 2013 Who was your go-to MK character back […]

Categories: 2013, Action, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013: FALL • Tags: Bridgette Wilson-Sampras, Christopher Lambert, Linden Ashby, Mortal Kombat 1995 Movie Review, No Boobs, NOT NOW I'M DRINKING A BEER AND WATCHING A MOVIE, Paul W.S. Anderson, Robin Shou, Talisa Soto, Terrible

THE SHITFEST FALL BANNER

September 27, 2013 by theipc

Well – I was going to put this out on Monday but through the machinations and whimsy of the universe (and Cinema Parrot Disco) the banner has been published. I didn’t want anyone to think I was playing favorites so here it is for everyone to use if you want to. You don’t have to of course but I made it with my own two hands I think it’s pretty and all of that so here it is if […]

Categories: 2013, Boobs, SATAN!, SHITFEST 2013: FALL • Tags: SHITFEST FOREVER!!

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ THE HOTTIE AND THE NOTTIE

September 27, 2013 by theipc

BY: CINEMA PARROT DISCO The Hottie & The Nottie (2008) Starring: Academy Award winner Paris Hilton. And some other people. Plot Synopsis: Like it matters… An explanation before I get to the review: As soon as I bought this movie with Shitfest in mind (that’s right – I spent money on it), I regretted my choice. Too obvious! It has a rating of 1.9 at IMDB with a metascore of 7. And Paris Hilton. And look at the COVER. Anyway […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013: FALL, WHY??? • Tags: Christine Lakin, Cinema Parrot Disco, Erin Cardillo, Joel David Moore, June Phigg, Kathryn Fiore, Looks Terrible, Miley Cyrus' Flabby Ass, No Boobs That I Can Tell, Paris Hilton, SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, Table Nine Mutant, The Hottie and the Nottie

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD

September 26, 2013 by theipc

BY: BANANAS ABOUT MOVIES A Good Day To Die Hard: Shitfest Edition Alfred Hitchcock once said, “Always make the audience suffer as much as possible.” I don’t know whether John Moore read that quote before shooting A Good Day To Die Hard, but if he did… well done. You made me suffer. But not in the obviously good way Hitchcock was referring to. Hitchcock also said, “The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.” I can say with confidence that […]

Categories: 2013, Action, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013: FALL • Tags: (I didn't hate it), A Good Day to Die Hard Movie Review, Bruce Willis, Cole Hauser, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, MONKEYBOY, No Boob, SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, Yuliya Snigir

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ THE FORGOTTEN

September 25, 2013 by theipc

BY: TERRY MALLOYS’ PIGEON COOP THE FORGOTTEN Before we go any further, I thought it best to warn people that I am going to spoil this film. As in I’m going to give away the big reveal at the end, but you’re not missing much so it probably doesn’t matter. Now, I think most of us can agree that Julianne Moore is a reasonably inoffensive actress; some may even like her. As such, I had no qualms about slinging on […]

Categories: 2013, Drama, HUH???, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013: FALL • Tags: Alfre Woodard, Aliens, Christopher Kovaleski, Dominic West, Jessica Hecht, Julianne Moore, Linus Roache, MISERABLE, No Boobs, Stupid, TERRY MALLOYS PIGEON COOP, THE FORGOTTEN MOVIE REVIEW, There's a guy named Linus in this

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ NINE MONTHS

September 24, 2013 by theipc

BY: MR RUMSEY’S FILM RELATED MUSINGS NINE MONTHS SHITFEST – Nine Months I did not plan on seeing this movie. It just so happened to be on TV one evening, I stumbled across it, and was instantly transfixed by how God awful it was. Hugh Grant plays a child psychologist who doesn’t fare well around children, which is pretty stupid as a character trait, and is unfunny as joke in the film – but anyway, he then finds out that […]

Categories: 2013, 90s, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013: FALL, WHY??? • Tags: Ashley Johnson, Comedy, Hugh Grant, Joan Cusack, Julianne Moore, Mia Cottet, MR RUMSEY'S FILM RELATED MUSINGS, NINE MONTHS MOVIE REVIEW, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, SOUNDS STUPID, Tom Arnold

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ SHARKNADO

September 23, 2013 by theipc

BY: THE CINEMA MONSTER SHARKNADO Despite all the hoopla and urging from friends and fellow critics, I swore I wouldn’t be caught dead watching “Sharknado.” Then, one night during shark week, my family decided on watching this very flick and I was forced to go along. And while the film offered little to no positives, I did gain more evidence to always trust my gut as “Sharknado” is easily one of the worst films I’ve ever seen. I won’t be […]

Categories: 2013, Action, Drive - In, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Sci - Fi, SHITFEST 2013: FALL, WHY??? • Tags: Cassie Scerbo, I Can't Believe People Fell for This Shit, Ian Ziering, John Heard |, Julie McCullough, Looks Miserable, No Boobs, Sharknado Movie Review, SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, Sumiko Braun, SyFY Bullshit, Tara Reid, THE CINEMA MONSTER, THIS IS WHAT'S HAPPENED TO JOHN HEARD'S CAREER???

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ MOVIE 43

September 22, 2013 by theipc

BY: HEAD IN A VICE MOVIE 43 I’m astounded no one chose this movie for Shitfest when the original competition was held earlier this year. Then, when Eric told me no one had chose it this time either, well, justice had to be served. So why does Movie 43 deserve to be here? Come on, there was only ONE person out of my movie blogging community that I saw give it a decent write up. That man was Chris ‘FilmHipster‘ Canada, so his opinion […]

Categories: 2013, Boobs, FUCKING TERRIBLE, Movie Reviews, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013: FALL • Tags: Dennis Quaid, Emma Stone, Greg Kinnear, Head in a Vice, Kate Winslet, MOVIE 43 MOVIE REVIEW, Odessa Rae, Poop, Richard Gere, SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, SOUNDS MISERABLE, Stephen Merchant, Tyson Carter

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ SILENT HILL: REVELATION

September 21, 2013 by theipc

BY: SCREENKICKER Silent Hill: Revelations Shit is a strong word for describing a film. You just don’t just throw around shit whenever you feel like it. Which is part of the reason I was fired from my job at DisneyLand. But I digress, what I’m trying to say is, shit is precious and should be saved for a special occasion. I’m delighted to say, the occasion has come and it’s name is Silent Hill: Revelation. And it’s shit. I’ll start […]

Categories: 2013, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013: FALL, WHY??? • Tags: Adelaide Clemens, Carrie-Anne Moss, Deborah Kara Unger, Erin Pitt, I hate It, Kit Harington, Malcolm McDowell, Martin Donovan, Misery, No Boobs, Radha Mitchell, Screenkicker!, Sean Bean, SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, Silent Hill: Revelation, This Movie Was Terrible

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION

September 20, 2013 by theipc

BY: (THE REIGNING SHITFEST CHAMPION!) TIM THE FILM GUY DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION When I heard about Shitfest Fall Edition I wasn’t sure how I could top my last review, so I thought it would either be another terrible film I or I’d come back with a review of a film I mentioned in the first entry, Dragonball Evolution. But I wasn’t sure how much I could take of these pure crap films. I mentioned how I fully understand the immense difficulty […]

Categories: 2013, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013: FALL • Tags: Dragonball: Evolution, Emmy Rossum, Ernie Hudson, James Marsters, Jamie Chung, Justin Chatwin, SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, SOUNDS TERRIBLE, TIM THE FILM GUY, uh... sci-fi?, Yun-Fat Chow

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ SPEED 2: CRUISE CONTROL (SUCKS)

September 19, 2013 by theipc

BY: JOHN LINK MOVIES SPEED 2: CRUISE CONTROL Even the DVD for SPEED 2: CRUISE CONTROL sucks. I must have been in a blackout to have bought it fifteen years ago in the first place, but I did indeed have it on the shelf. I put it in the Blu Ray player and discovered that the settings on the DVD didn’t allow my TV to zoom in more than a little bit, only half filling the screen. I am all […]

Categories: 2013, Action, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2013: FALL, WHY??? • Tags: Connie Ray, Jason Patric, Jessica Diz, John Link Movies, Lois Chiles, No Boobs, Sandra Bullock, SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, Speed 2: Cruise Control Movie Review, Stupid, Terrible, Willem Dafoe

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ PARANOIA

September 18, 2013 by theipc

BY: DIGITAL SHORTBREAD PARANOIA Release: Thursday, August 15, 2013 [Theater] I’d like to plead the fifth to any questions raised concerning whether I just went to see this for Amber Heard. I mean, come on guys. It’s also got Liam Hemsworth in it — you know, that strapping gentleman from The Hunger Games, real-life brother of Thor, hello? And this movie also features huge A-listers in Harrison Ford and Gary Oldman. Why anyone would ask me whether she was the reason […]

Categories: 2013, Drama, HUH???, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013: FALL • Tags: Amber Heard, Angela Sarafyan, Bald Ass Harrison Ford, Christine Marzano, Digital Shortbread, Embeth Davidtz, Gary Oldman, Harrison Ford, Liam Hemsworth, No Boobs, Paranoia 2013 Movie Review, SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, SOUNDS TERRIBLE

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ HANSEL AND GRETEL GET BAKED

September 17, 2013 by theipc

BY: THE HERETIC HANSEL AND GRETEL GET BAKED I was going to review the remake of “Evil Dead”, but I just couldn’t stomach another hour or so to the point that I would want to hunt the entire cast, crew, and director, lock them all in a padded room and force them to watch “Garbage Pail Kids” on a never ending loop while the rest of the world forgets about them. Since I don’t feel like going to prison nor […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013: FALL, WHY??? • Tags: Bianca Saad, Cary Elwes, Danielle Adams, Hansel and Gretel get Baked Movie Review, Lara Flynn Boyle, Molly C. Quinn, SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, SOUNDS TERRIBLE, This... UGH!, WORDS FROM THE HERETIC, Yancy Butler

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ RUMPELSTILTSKIN

September 16, 2013 by theipc

(REMEMBER – IN CASE YOU WERE OFF PAYING YOUR TITHES AND HAVING A SUNDAY AFTERNOON PICNIC – DON’T FORGET TO LOOK AT YESTERDAY’S BEAUTIFUL ENTRY TOO HERE) BY: SMASHING THROUGH LIFE Rumpelstiltskin (1995) The cover for this movie was scary to me back then in the 90’s when I was a kid. And I remember having nightmares for weeks after we watched it. I also vaguely remember that it was a really shitty movie. What better opportunity to face down […]

Categories: 2013, 90s, Boobs, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, Movie Reviews, SHITFEST 2013: FALL, WHY??? • Tags: Donna Barnes, John Ducey, Kim Johnston Ulrich, Marsha Dietlein, Max Grodénchik, Rumplestiltskin 1995 Movie Review, SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, SMASHING THROUGH LIFE, Sorry Sex, SOUNDS MISERABLE, This is Hilarious, Valerie Wildman, Vera Lockwood

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ TRUE OR FALSE TRIVIA: GODZILLA

September 15, 2013 by theipc

BY: HARD TICKET TO HOME VIDEO True or False Trivia: Godzilla (1998) 1) Mayor Ebert and his assistant Gene are spoofs of the late film critics Roger Ebert and his partner Gene Siskel (who would pass away less than a year after the film’s release). This is in response to the duo giving negative reviews to Emmerich and Devlin’s earlier films Stargate and Independence Day. The film also co-opted the duo’s trademarked “Thumbs Up” gesture from their various television shows […]

Categories: 2013, 90s, Action, HUH???, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2013: FALL, WHY??? • Tags: Godzilla 1998 Movie Review, Hank Azaria, HARD TICKET TO HOME VIDEO, Jean Reno, Maria Pitillo, Matthew Broderick, No Boobs, Roland Emmerich and producer Dean Devlin, SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, Terrible

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ FDR: AMERICAN BADASS!

September 13, 2013 by theipc

BY: MISTY AND CARRY Here you go……..!!! (be careful, salty language inside this video) What just happened here?? BAM!

Categories: 2013, Boobs, Drive - In, Excitement, HUH???, Movie Reviews, SHITFEST 2013: FALL, The IPC Video • Tags: Amazing, Barry Bostwick, Bruce McGill, Cinema Schminema, DICK JOKES, FDR: AMERICAN BADASS! MOVIE REVIEW, Garrett Brawith, IPC VIDEO, Keri Lynn Pratt, Kevin Sorbo, Lin Shaye, MISTY LAYNE AND CARRIE, Ray Wise, Robin Sydney, Ross Patterson, SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, Werewolves, William Mapother

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ ONLY GOD FORGIVES

September 12, 2013 by theipc

BY: THE IPC I might take a little heat for this one but – so be it. In any case, here goes: *spoilers* More painful and worse than an ingrown hair in your eyebrow, here comes a movie about people staring at each other for an hour and a fucking half. I have actually written about and talked about how I am a guy who actually likes less dialogue in a movie than more, but I would prefer the characters […]

Categories: 2013, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2013: FALL, Very Gory, WHY??? • Tags: EAT SHIT, GOD DOES NOT FORGIVE THIS MOVIE, Kristin Scott Thomas, MISERABLE, Nothing, Only God Forgives Movie Review, PEOPLE STARING AT EACH OTHER, Ryan Gosling, SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, Vithaya Pansringarm, Yayaying Rhatha Phongam

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ 2 HEADED SHARK ATTACK

September 11, 2013 by theipc

BY: TRANQUIL DREAMS 2 Headed Shark Attack (2012) Director: Christopher Ray Cast: Carmen Electra, Charlie O’Connell, Brooke Hogan, Christina Bach ROFL! I’m sorry *contains laughter* Every time I think about this movie, I can’t help but to laugh at it. Even now, I’m trying to grasp how bad it can be. I mean, I was choosing between two Mega Shark versus movies and this one was original with 2 Headed Shark! DUN DUN DUN! By any possible chance, you probably […]

Categories: 2013, Action, Boobs, FUCKING TERRIBLE, SHITFEST 2013: FALL, WHY??? • Tags: 2 HEADED SHARK ATTACK, Boobs, Brooke Hogan, Carmen Electra, Charlie O'Connell, Christina Bach, KIM @ TRANQUIL DREAMS, Lauren Vera, Mercedes Young, SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, SOUNDS MISERABLE, Tihirah Taliaferro

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (2010)

September 10, 2013 by theipc

BY: THE SPORADIC CHRONICLES OF A BEGINNER BLOGGER I am not even going to go into what this story is about, because it was supposed to be about Freddy Kruger, right? Right? Erm, whatever. Everyone knows what Freddy is supposed to be about. There will always be someone that wants to remake something or reboot a franchise. There will always be that one guy that insists on re-exploring something, for better or worse. A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010) was […]

Categories: 2013, FUCKING TERRIBLE, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2013: FALL, Slasher • Tags: A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), Clancy Brown, Connie Britton, Jackie Earle Haley, Katie Cassidy, Kyle Gallner, No Boobs, Rooney Mara, SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, THE SPORADIC CHRONICLES OF A BEGINNER BLOGGER, ZOE

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Isaacs Picture Conclusions

An Honest Review from an Honest (and Gassy) Guy (who doesn't take things too seriously)