As the winner of Shitfest Summer 2014 I wanted to write a really nice acceptance post about how my statue, who I have named Liz after the main character in Eat, Pray, Loathe, is enhancing my home but to be perfectly honest with you Liz is ruining my life. She has been absolutely nothing but trouble since she arrived in my home. First she helped herself to more than her share of the whisky and Marlboros… Then she menaced the […]
Top of the morning and happy Monday!! We’re going to take a short break this morning to point you to something I did for someone else’s site that I think is a ton of fun. We’ll be back this afternoon with another WONDERFUL Shitfest entry!! But for now, if you’ve ever wanted to hear the soothing and sexy sound of my voice, please click the following button!
Hi! Eric is in bed for the night so it’s Table Cinema Mutant Disco Parrot the 9th here. THIS MOVIE STARTS IN 30 MINUTES, EVERYONE! Let’s trash this thing in the comments below! Press PLAY at 11:00pm UK / 5:00pm US Central Time. Synchronize your watches, people!!!! Or, like, set your iPhone alarms. Or whatever. 🙂
Categories: Boobs, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, Most Unclean, Nothing, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER, Uncategorized • Tags: A SHITFEST SOCIAL, ALONE IN THE DARK, CINEMA PARROT DISCO ROCKS MY LAME ASS, Table Nine Mutant, WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
BY: JOHN LINK MOVIES Note to future filmmakers: If your most engaging character (and the thing doing your best acting) is a computer generated Troll named Edward, you probably want to reconsider the final product. Unfortunately, HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS was not so inclined. Jeremy Renner is usually an asset to a film. But he seemed to realize what he was getting himself into and decided to mail this one in. Actress Gemma Arterton, playing Gretel, tries a little […]
Categories: FUCKING TERRIBLE, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER, Thriller • Tags: Derek Mears, Famke Janssen, Gemma Arterton, HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS, Jeremy Renner, John Link Movies, No Boobs, Peter Stormare, SHITFEST 2014: SUMMER, SOUNDS PRETTY SHIT, Thomas Mann, Tommy Wirkola
BY: RAGING FLUFF The Wicker Man (2006) or It’s Not the Bee’s Knees by ragingfluff http://www.ragingfluff.wordpress.com A remake of The Wicker Man? With Nic Cage? First, I was all: Because I was thinking: and: and: and: but then I saw: and I was like: But I thought “I’ll give it a chance” There is one great bit: But most of the film is: and: and: And then there’s the bees!! Let’s recap shall we??
Categories: BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, FUCKING TERRIBLE, No Boobs, Nothing, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER, WHY??? • Tags: BEES, BICYCLES, Ellen Burstyn, LEELEE SOBIESKI, molly parker, Nicolas Cage, Not Even Any Boobs, RAGING FLUFF, SUCKY, TERRIBLE BULLSHIT, THE WICKER MAN REMAKE
OH YEAH. I’M BACK. What? Thought that just because Shitfest was over little ol’ Cara would slink back to Silver Screen Serenade and mind her own business? AW HELL NAH, BRO. Eric thought he could bribe me with a nice, shiny trophy. “Take this and never judo chop my security again!” he implored. So I didn’t. I CLOTHESLINED THEIR ASSES INSTEAD. But I did it because I wanted to let all you lovely people know how grateful and humbled I […]
Categories: Five Top Hats, I LOVED IT, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER • Tags: Bring a tropy to work day, Cara takes The IPC, Eric Isaacs is not here please leave a message, Fighting crime, I'm copying off of Smash...HI SMASH!!!, INSTANT BFFS, Life of a champ, Miguel the trophy, SHITFEST 4 EVA!!!!!!, True Detective arts and crafts don't work out
Good afternoon!! I had a couple of things come up that I wanted to share before we head into our weekends. First off – yesterday I had one of the most fun times I’ve EVER had when it comes to watching movies when we did the SHITFEST SOCIAL. Please check that link. I know there’s a bunch of comments but if you time to read them while you take your afternoon shit, you’ll probably crack the fuck up for a […]
In just a few short hours, I’ll be live commenting on this movie in the comments section of this post. I had a handful of people say that they’d join me so hopefully they’ll show up!! If not – I guess it’ll just be me! If nothing else – I guess that means more beer and pickles for me!! I hope you tune in! This could be good fun! UPDATE: The big event starts in 6 minutes!!! And LUKE has […]
Categories: 2014, Excitement, FUCKING TERRIBLE, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER • Tags: Ali Faulkner, BOOBS?? DOUBTFUL..., Jonathan Bennett, Miriam Weisbecker, Richard Riehle, Stelio Savante, THE SECRET VILLAGE, THE SHITFEST SOCIAL, THIS WILL BE TERRIBLE, WHO KNOWS HOW THIS IS GOING TO GO
YOU CAME!!! (not like that!!!) YOU READ!!! YOU PILLAGED!!! YOU VOTED!!!! AND A CHAMPION HAS BEEN CROWNED!!! But it wasn’t easy!! This contest saw numerous lead changes and was TIED up until some votes came in Friday night! A SHITFEST WORLD RECORD 102!!! people voted this time around (that’s 510 total votes!!!) and late Friday night DARK CARA and her PARANORMAL ACTIVITY: THE MARKED ONES rolled a pack of Lucky Strikes up her shirt sleeve, greased her hair into a […]
Categories: 2014, Boobs, Excitement, Five Top Hats, I LOVED IT, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER • Tags: Boobs, CARA GALE, I ALREADY MISS YOU SHITFEST, LONG LIVE SHITFEST!!!, NAKED SLO-MO BEACH RUNNING, Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones, Shitfest 2014: Winter, SHITFEST FOREVER!!, SILVER SCREEN SERENADE, TRUE DETECTIVE ROCKS NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY MUTANT