As the winner of Shitfest Summer 2014 I wanted to write a really nice acceptance post about how my statue, who I have named Liz after the main character in Eat, Pray, Loathe, is enhancing my home but to be perfectly honest with you Liz is ruining my life. She has been absolutely nothing but trouble since she arrived in my home. First she helped herself to more than her share of the whisky and Marlboros… Then she menaced the […]
Top of the morning and happy Monday!! We’re going to take a short break this morning to point you to something I did for someone else’s site that I think is a ton of fun. We’ll be back this afternoon with another WONDERFUL Shitfest entry!! But for now, if you’ve ever wanted to hear the soothing and sexy sound of my voice, please click the following button!
Hi! Eric is in bed for the night so it’s Table Cinema Mutant Disco Parrot the 9th here. THIS MOVIE STARTS IN 30 MINUTES, EVERYONE! Let’s trash this thing in the comments below! Press PLAY at 11:00pm UK / 5:00pm US Central Time. Synchronize your watches, people!!!! Or, like, set your iPhone alarms. Or whatever. 🙂
Categories: Boobs, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, Most Unclean, Nothing, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER, Uncategorized • Tags: A SHITFEST SOCIAL, ALONE IN THE DARK, CINEMA PARROT DISCO ROCKS MY LAME ASS, Table Nine Mutant, WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
BY: JOHN LINK MOVIES Note to future filmmakers: If your most engaging character (and the thing doing your best acting) is a computer generated Troll named Edward, you probably want to reconsider the final product. Unfortunately, HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS was not so inclined. Jeremy Renner is usually an asset to a film. But he seemed to realize what he was getting himself into and decided to mail this one in. Actress Gemma Arterton, playing Gretel, tries a little […]
Categories: FUCKING TERRIBLE, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER, Thriller • Tags: Derek Mears, Famke Janssen, Gemma Arterton, HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS, Jeremy Renner, John Link Movies, No Boobs, Peter Stormare, SHITFEST 2014: SUMMER, SOUNDS PRETTY SHIT, Thomas Mann, Tommy Wirkola
BY: RAGING FLUFF The Wicker Man (2006) or It’s Not the Bee’s Knees by ragingfluff http://www.ragingfluff.wordpress.com A remake of The Wicker Man? With Nic Cage? First, I was all: Because I was thinking: and: and: and: but then I saw: and I was like: But I thought “I’ll give it a chance” There is one great bit: But most of the film is: and: and: And then there’s the bees!! Let’s recap shall we??
Categories: BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, FUCKING TERRIBLE, No Boobs, Nothing, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER, WHY??? • Tags: BEES, BICYCLES, Ellen Burstyn, LEELEE SOBIESKI, molly parker, Nicolas Cage, Not Even Any Boobs, RAGING FLUFF, SUCKY, TERRIBLE BULLSHIT, THE WICKER MAN REMAKE
OH YEAH. I’M BACK. What? Thought that just because Shitfest was over little ol’ Cara would slink back to Silver Screen Serenade and mind her own business? AW HELL NAH, BRO. Eric thought he could bribe me with a nice, shiny trophy. “Take this and never judo chop my security again!” he implored. So I didn’t. I CLOTHESLINED THEIR ASSES INSTEAD. But I did it because I wanted to let all you lovely people know how grateful and humbled I […]
Categories: Five Top Hats, I LOVED IT, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER • Tags: Bring a tropy to work day, Cara takes The IPC, Eric Isaacs is not here please leave a message, Fighting crime, I'm copying off of Smash...HI SMASH!!!, INSTANT BFFS, Life of a champ, Miguel the trophy, SHITFEST 4 EVA!!!!!!, True Detective arts and crafts don't work out
Good afternoon!! I had a couple of things come up that I wanted to share before we head into our weekends. First off – yesterday I had one of the most fun times I’ve EVER had when it comes to watching movies when we did the SHITFEST SOCIAL. Please check that link. I know there’s a bunch of comments but if you time to read them while you take your afternoon shit, you’ll probably crack the fuck up for a […]
In just a few short hours, I’ll be live commenting on this movie in the comments section of this post. I had a handful of people say that they’d join me so hopefully they’ll show up!! If not – I guess it’ll just be me! If nothing else – I guess that means more beer and pickles for me!! I hope you tune in! This could be good fun! UPDATE: The big event starts in 6 minutes!!! And LUKE has […]
Categories: 2014, Excitement, FUCKING TERRIBLE, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER • Tags: Ali Faulkner, BOOBS?? DOUBTFUL..., Jonathan Bennett, Miriam Weisbecker, Richard Riehle, Stelio Savante, THE SECRET VILLAGE, THE SHITFEST SOCIAL, THIS WILL BE TERRIBLE, WHO KNOWS HOW THIS IS GOING TO GO
YOU CAME!!! (not like that!!!) YOU READ!!! YOU PILLAGED!!! YOU VOTED!!!! AND A CHAMPION HAS BEEN CROWNED!!! But it wasn’t easy!! This contest saw numerous lead changes and was TIED up until some votes came in Friday night! A SHITFEST WORLD RECORD 102!!! people voted this time around (that’s 510 total votes!!!) and late Friday night DARK CARA and her PARANORMAL ACTIVITY: THE MARKED ONES rolled a pack of Lucky Strikes up her shirt sleeve, greased her hair into a […]
Categories: 2014, Boobs, Excitement, Five Top Hats, I LOVED IT, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER • Tags: Boobs, CARA GALE, I ALREADY MISS YOU SHITFEST, LONG LIVE SHITFEST!!!, NAKED SLO-MO BEACH RUNNING, Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones, Shitfest 2014: Winter, SHITFEST FOREVER!!, SILVER SCREEN SERENADE, TRUE DETECTIVE ROCKS NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY MUTANT
Hi everyone!! Just a courtesy reminder to vote for your favorite SHITFEST entry!! I remember I said I was going to take votes through Sunday but then I remembered that I am dumb and will need some time to talk to the winner about their prize… so I am going to close the polls Friday night so I can talk to the winner on Saturday and Sunday! I’ve received a lot of votes but there’s still time for more. Vote […]
Do you remember the other day when I posted about the SHITFEST OPPORTUNITY? Well that had a lot better response than I figured -which was totally a good thing! I had originally conceived the idea as a one on one (NO MIKE STOP!!!) deal where myself and someone else would so something but then I got to thinking – why not just invite everyone?? We’ll make an event out of it!! So here’s the thing if you’re still interested: ON […]
BY: What is this bullshit??? This keeps – well “kept” – showing up as something I would like, recommended on my viewing history on Netflix and, I suppose that could be right since I order a LOT of SHIT from them. But this – this is TERRIBLE! I finally decided to give it a shot because the cover poster is actually kind of decent looking, evoking something that might be good but GOD DAMN this was a piece of shit. […]
Categories: 2014, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, I'm Stupid, No Boobs, Nothing, One Top Hat, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER, WHY??? • Tags: A TERRIBLE THING, Fucking Terrible, GREEN RIVER 2008 MOVIE REVIEW, I ALREADY MISS YOU SHITFEST, I HEART MELISSA RAUCH, No Boobs, Nothing, SHITFEST FOREVER!!, SHITFEST WINTER, Stupid, WHERE'S THE BOOBS???
BY: All going to plan (i.e. this movie being as woeful as everyone says) the results will be part of @theipcdotme's Shitfest — Tim @ Beermovie.net (@beer_movie) February 18, 2014 Appears The Green Lantern has decided to be exceedingly uncharismatic in this one. #RIPDtweet — Tim @ Beermovie.net (@beer_movie) February 18, 2014 Haha, worst death scene ever. Not even a sickening thud at the end of that fall. #RIPDtweet — Tim @ Beermovie.net (@beer_movie) February 18, 2014 At least we […]
Categories: 2014, Action, HUH???, No Boobs, Nothing, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER, WHY??? • Tags: BEER MOVIE, I COULDNT EVEN FINISH IT, James Hong, JEFF BRIDGES, MARISE MILLER IS FUCKING HOT, Mary Louise Parker, No Boobs, R.I.P.D. MOVIE REVIEW, RYAN REYNOLDS, SHITFEST IS ALMOST OVER : (, STUPID ALIENS, Terrible, THIS WAS SOOOOO STUPID, WHY DID THE MAKE THIS MOVIE
BY: BULLSHIT!!!!! You know… tomorrow’s going to be a sad day for me…. : ( But, in any case, Sharon Stone is back to give us a look between her legs and a couple of shots of her fifty year old boobs. Set over in England this time – this proves to have the WORST dialogue in the history of dialogue and it’s so non erotic you might just cut the Sex out of your life from here on out. […]
Categories: 2014, Boobs, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Nothing, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER, WHY??? • Tags: BASIC INSTINCT 2 MOVIE REVIEW, Boobs, CARA GALES IS AWESOME, Cara takes The IPC, SHARON STONE'S TITS, SILVER SCREEN SERENADE, What The Fuck, WHO THE WHAT THE??
BY: Children Of The Living Dead (2001) Review Directed by Tor Ramsey Starring: Tom Savini Marty Schiff Damien Luvara Jamie McCoy Sam Nicotero Running time: 90 minutes Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Children_of_the_living_dead Serial murderer and rapist Abbot Hayes disappears from the morgue and becomes the leader of several waves of zombies that attack his home town. Fourteen years after the last zombie attack, a businessman relocates bodies from a local cemetery to pave the way for progress, but sets […]
Categories: 2014, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, No Boobs, Nothing, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER, WHY???, WOAH! • Tags: Bullshit, CHILDREN OF THE LIVING DEAD 2001 MOVIE REVIEW, Cinema Parrot Disco, CINEMA PARROT DISCO ROCKS!!, CRAP, DID ROMERO PISS ON THIS??, FUCKING HELL, HAIKUS, Not Even Any Boobs For Our Troubles, Piss, SOUNDS LIKE SHIT, Table Nine Mutant, Tom Savini
BY: 1) This video is hilarious! 2) Why would you two watch THIS???? 3) It took me fucking forever to find a decent sized poster for this! 4) This was wonderful 5) THANK YOU TWO!!
Categories: 2014, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, Most Unclean, No Boobs, Nothing, SATAN!, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER, WHY??? • Tags: Cinema Schminema, DOUBLE WHAT THE FUCK, GEORGE BIDDLE CPA MOVIE REVIEW, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS EXISTS, MISTY LAYNE AND CARRIE, NO BOOBS I PRESUME, PAIN, SHITFEST FOREVER!!, SHITFEST WINTER, THESE TWO POOR GIRLS, UNBELIEVABLE, What The Fuck
BY: Tusk (unreleased) While thinking of a movie to review for Shitfest: Winter I was hit by a stroke of fantastic luck: I was invited to a sneak preview of the latest horrible Kevin Smith film! If there’s better material for a Shitfest movie than the movies Kevin Smith literally shits out onto a reel of film then wipes his cratered ass with that stupid orange and blue hockey jersey he wears then wears it the rest of the week […]
Categories: 2014, HUH???, Movie Reviews, Nothing, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER, WHY???, WOAH! • Tags: HARD TICKET TO HOME VIDEO, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE BOOBS, KEVIN SMITH, LONG LIVE SHITFEST!!!, SHITFEST WINTER, SOUNDS STUPID, THE KID FROM THE SIXTH SENSE, TUSK MOVIE REVIEW, What The Fuck, WHAT UP CARA GALE
BY: X-Men 3: The Last Stand (2006) Tim The Film Guy is a big nerd and I love my comics and superheroes. The movies have been both good and bad to this genre over the years but very rarely does a steaming pile of shit fly at you like this film did. X Men 3 isn’t alone in the shit comic movie world, it’s joined closely by Spiderman 3 and Green Lantern, but this one has a special place for […]
Categories: 2014, Action, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER, WHY??? • Tags: A PITIFUL THING, BALD KIDS, HALLE BERRY'S BOOBS, HI MUTANT, JUGFACE WAS BETTER THAN THIS, LONG LIVE SHITFEST!!!, MISERABLE, No Boobs, SHITFEST WINTER, THE RAT, This Movie Sucked, TIM THE FILM GUY, TIM'S FILM REVIEWS, X-MEN3 THE LAST STAND MOVIE REVIEW
BY: Scott Pilgrim vs the World – Worse than Hitler? In 1935 a woman named Leni Riefenstahl directed a film called ‘Triumph of the Will’. The movie is still considered a landmark achievement in film-making. The downside? It was a propaganda film for those epic asshats the Nazi Party. So what does this morally disgusting yet well made piece of cinema have to do with Scott Pilgrim vs the World? I think the answer is in the question. Scott Pilgrim is […]
Categories: 2014, HUH???, No Boobs, Nothing, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER, WHY??? • Tags: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, LONG LIVE SHITFEST!!!, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, MICHAEL FUCKING CERA, MY KNEES HURT, No Boobs, SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD, Screenkicker!, SHITFEST WINTER, SOUNDS SHIT, THIS WAS WRITTEN BY AN IRISHMAN
BY: SHITFEST 2014 SUBMISSION Getaway (2013) I refuse to believe Director Courtney Solomon is this terrible a filmmaker. Instead, I will believe him the most brilliant scientist the world has ever known. Because, in a scientific discovery unparalleled throughout history, Solomon must have mixed a freshly lain turd, eight moldy hamburger buns, three decayed pumpkins, five rotten apples, two rabbit carcasses and a sprinkling of cumin. Then, he must have miraculously converted the mashing process into a feature length motion […]
Categories: 2014, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, HUH???, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER • Tags: CARS, ETHAN HAWKE CAN SUCK IT, GETAWAY 2013 MOVIE REVIEW, I HATE ETHAN HAWKE, JJAMES MOVIE REVIEWS, LONG LIVE SHITFEST!!!, NO BOOBS I THINK, Selena Gomez, SHITFEST RULES, SHITFEST WINTER, THIS LOOKS TERRIBLE
Hi everyone – I’ve had a REALLY SHITTY couple of weeks up at work so I took the afternoon off AND started watching this movie I rented on iTunes. During the first ten minutes I quickly realized that this is one of the stupidest things I HAVE EVER seen and it got me thinking about the SHITFESTs and reminded me of an idea I had about a month ago. I have an idea for something very special and I am […]
BY: Alrighty, I am back for another Shitfest outing! Yay! However, the content that comprises of Shitfest is not always so exciting. So let us move on to my entry and the reasons behind it. Mama… I had so many people raving about it (that probably did not help the film’s predicament), telling me that I had to get on it; it was theoretically really awesome and scary and blah, blah, blah. Well, let me tell you, the day I […]
Categories: 2014, FUCKING TERRIBLE, Ghosts, HUH???, No Boobs, Nothing, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER, WHY??? • Tags: Jessica Chastain, LONG LIVE SHITFEST!!!, MAMA MOVIE REVIEW, MISERY AND PAIN, No Boobs, SHITFEST WINTER, SOME OTHER CHICK, Terrible, THANKS SATAN!, THE DUDE FROM GAME OF THRONES, THE SPORADIC CHRONICLES OF A BEGINNER BLOGGER, YOU PEOPLE ROCK MY LAME ASS!!!, ZUTS
BY: Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013) * Though Josh (Patrick Wilson) has succeeded in getting his son (Ty Simpkins) back from the spirit world via astral projection, something else has found its way into Josh’s body and it intends to stay there. So, Josh finds himself stuck in the other realm as if he were one of the dead. His wife, Renai (Rose Byrne), suspects that the man in front of her may not really be her husband after he fails to […]
Categories: 2014, FUCKING TERRIBLE, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Nothing, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER, WHY??? • Tags: FRANZ PATRICK'S FILM ARCHIVE, INSIDIOUS CHAPTER 2 SHITFEST EDITION, No Boobs, SHITFEST FOREVER!!, SHITFEST WINTER, Terrible, THIS MOVIE SUCKS IT
Hi everyone – Being the COMPLETE and UTTER DUMBASS that I am – I forgot February only had 28 days in it, so I’m going to have to put out (not like that, Mike B STOP ASKING!!) a couple of posts on a couple of days before this is all over. Ideally I would like to only have one post per day so that special someone is spotlit but, because I am STOOPID, I’ll have to double up a […]