GRIEVANCES AND TAINTS

TAINTS1

FILMMAKERS: PLEASE NOTE, THESE THINGS SUCK.

1. Car tires screeching on dirt roads. Blogga please….

2. Dial tones emanating from disconnected cell phones. Cell phones don’t use dial tones. THX.

3. Someone IMMEDIATELY answering a door knock or doorbell ring. In my entire life when I have shown up at someone’s house expected or unexpectedly, NO ONE EVER has been standing right by the door waiting to open it.

4. The convenience of someone having a Zippo when the lights go out… even when they don’t smoke.

5. STOP FUCKING KILLING THE DOG / CAT. WE GET IT. ENOUGH.

6. Keys are always left in the car/under rugs/in pot plants/etc. Then why the fuck are serial killers and robbers still breaking in windows when access is so freely available?!

7.Everyone has mastered picking locks… like everyone is a master criminal suddenly!

8. People having major accidents with no seatbelts but nobody is ever flung around. Dafuq? Someone suddenly hits their breaks here for a traffic light and with my belt on I get flung a little!

9. People automatically know how much milk/sugar/coffee is required to put in for an unknown guest. How? In what world? Come on people!

10. How Americans can all suddenly rock a manual transmission vehicle when shit hits the fan (I am grouping this with Americans because they all drive automatics).

11. When someone is creeping around in your house… why the hell are you going upstairs…? How does that even make sense? Also… when you know you are being hunted, why are you going toward the noises and what not?

12. When something chases you… won’t you run your ass off? Why would you jog around and scream? I mean do you really want the scary crackpot to find you?

13. Massive explosions due to cigarettes being dropped into a gasoline trail. WTF is this shit?!

14. People hiding from a killer or psycho and making an inordinate amount of noise.

15. People “hacking” in movies… you cannot just hit keys and everything suddenly works and no, hacking a printer driver is not as hardcore as cinema would make it out to be. Plus two, if hacking was that simple, why would it be a specialised skill?

16. While we’re at it, typing in movies. I mean come off it people, you aren’t even really hitting keys in any sequence and I swear they are never using the space bar… whowantstoreadsomethinglikethisanyfuckingway?!

17. People lighting up a cigarette, probably won’t even have a drag off of it, but crush it underfoot almost immediately after. 

18. Characters / People TALKING what they’re fucking typing. No one talks what they are typing.

19. Danny McBride.

20. The jump scare schtick where someone is standing somewhere looking off into the distance and the noise / music builds up and SUDDENLY SOMEONE GRABS THAT SOMEONE and it’s their fucking friend. WHO SNEAKS UP ON PEOPLE LIKE THAT?? No one is the answer. No one.

69 comments

  1. Hahahaha! “blogga please”! You had me at that opening. Great post, man!

    I hate it when people are fucking rude when they’re on the phone: hanging up without saying goodbye or anything. I mean, do you guys actually do that over there? Fucking rude, man!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Tires screeching is ridiculous, especially when they are driving normal cars. If they are going to make a tire screech, they better show me a totally bald tire or some hopped up car with a big engine!

    Like

  3. Hahaha! Nice work, guys. : ) Btw – I’m American but I can rock a manual transmission – my first car was manual. Of course, I’ve now not had a license for over ten years…. : (

    Lol at number 19!

    That’s sweet how you hate dogs & cats being killed. I actually don’t like humans being killed… ! Lol. #Priorities

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Here are a couple of grievances and taints that I freaking hate:

    1. The mirror jump scare in the bathroom, where a character is in front of a mirrored cabinet, opens it to get something, then closes it, and there’s something scary behind them. And of course the loud music happens as well. So overdone!
    2. Explosion or machine noises in space. NO! There is no noise in space. Screenwriters and sound editors should listen to science!
    3. Hanging up before saying goodbye… so rude.

    …I can’t think of any more, but I know there’s more.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. This is amazing, love it!

    I hate it when people are driving and they turn the wheel stupid amounts despite being on a straight road. Also, being able to turn to the exact page they need in a book. And the classic running out of phone reception/battery at the worst possible moment.

    Liked by 1 person

    • theipc

      THANK YOU!!!

      Love em!! I’ll add them to the list later!! I also need to add: there’s no signal so let me hold my phone in the air because another two feet of your arm’s length will make a big difference.

      Liked by 1 person

    • theipc

      I suppose that would be different – I’m sick of them killing the innocent family pet for no fucking reason.

      NICE!! I also like it when someone who has NEVER picked up a gun can suddenly pick people off like a military trained sniper.

      Like

  6. Blogga please… wiki wiki what… that’s like a rap noise get it.
    Yes why do they always kill the dogs or cats? WHY… How the hell do people figure out passwords on computers so easily in movies, I can’t even remember mine at times.

    Liked by 1 person

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