Here lie a list of rules to live by – rules that will help keep you alive! The following list has been compiled over a couple of decades of research by myself and my friends. To make it out there, you need to watch your ass and we’re here to help! If you feel like we’ve missed something feel free to send me an email to ei@theipc.me ~ thanks and be safe!
Contributors:
Hosack (that really is my friend’s middle name)
Cibbage
Ranchie
THE GOLDEN RULE:
NEVER TRUST A FART
Rule # 1: IF THERE’S ONLY TEN PEOPLE IN THE THEATER, DON’T SIT NEAR ME, ASSHOLE
Rule # 2: If someone you know turns into a vampire, you kill them.
Rule # 3: Never suckle on a demon’s teat.
Rule # 4: Never put another man’s discarded chewing tobacco in your mouth.
Rule # 5: Never drink four 16 ounce glasses of whiskey, push your friend in the street and poke him in the eye.
Rule # 6: Never eat a Turducken.
Rule # 7: Chris should never enter Richie husband style even under the auspices of “colonoscopy”.
Rule # 8: The greatest string of words in the English language are these: “I have to poop. Right now.”
Rule # 9: If a beautiful, naked woman appears from thin air, your ass had better start running, because she is a demon.
Rule # 10: If you are living in a horror movie, and you inherit a house from a relative you don’t know well (or at all), just forget it. Don’t travel to the house, or you will die.
Rule # 10.1: The corollary to the rule about inherited houses should be that if your spouse inherits a weird old house, tell them they can either sell it or draw up divorce papers. Unless you’re planning to film your adventures in your new home for our entertainment, of course.
Rule # 11: Never drink 17 glasses of champagne and think you can make it through the first inning of softball in 110 degree heat without crapping your pants while you’re playing first base.
Rule # 12: Be deathly aware of any beach town that has no tourists.
Rule # 13: Face it, we all have to poo. If you consider the act as “Launching the U.S.S. Doodoofeces” it makes it more fun
Rule # 13.1: The pre-dook gas should be considered turning the thrusters on.
Haha! Nice little tie-in with the interview questions.
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HA HA HA HA HA!! YES!!
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Wait… I don’t understand either of these… Why not?
Rule # 3: Never suckle on a demon’s teat.
Rule # 9: If a beautiful, naked woman appears from thin air, your ass had better start running, because she is a demon.
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Because you’ll DIE, JOHN!!!!!! I don’t want you to die!! I am trying to save your life!!!
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Let’s say I summoned her… Is okay then?
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Well….. If you summoned the demoness then I suppose it’s acceptable to suckle her teat – that would be your choice. So yes! But you would still end up dead. But – your choice.
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Fine… I’ll tell the wife to go back inside, while I watch our evil spawn….
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I live by rule 8. If i’m in a social setting and poop doesnt come up as a topic of conversation I am probably going poop at the moment.
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I live by rule 8. In social settings, if poop is not a fluid discussion, i’m probably pooping at the moment.
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D MINUS!! What up?? did you go set yourself up a blog?? Let me go check it out.
NEVER TRUST A FART
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I dont think so – i signed up to WordPress to respond to various news stories. I certainly do not blog.
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LOL well, I gave you a follow in case you ever have anything to say…
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You gigolo
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The movie??
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Huh? Im lost. Also i see my post went up twice. I tried posting yesterday and didnt think it worked so i trie again.
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I replied to the wrong comment, sorry…
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I’m not seeing your addition of the “a man should never eat a gas station hot dog and I need to go add it to this list of rules.” how will we know that it’s a bad idea if you don’t write it down for us LOL
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GOOD POINT!!!!!!! Although – unlike a movie – this one has adverse physical effects…..
🙂
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Sometimes movies do too
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House of Whipcord?????
#?????
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lol what are you talking about??
#isaacsisafruitloop
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LOL – some shit movie I watched the other week : )
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it caused me physical pain : )
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LOL oh, that must be a bad one!!
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it was awful!
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