Greetings, pathetic humans. Many of you have heard tell of me and my many heart-pounding adventures (see here and here), but for those of you who are in the dark, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Alejandro Hannibal Jack-the-Ripper Optimus Prime Shitfestival Trophyton the Third. But you may call me “Miguel.” My somewhat tolerable guardian, that Cara chick, has given me leave to do something I have wanted to do ever since I entered this strange and mostly […]

Categories: Excitement, I LOVED IT, SATAN! • Tags: A Nightmare on Elm Street, Adorable chestburster, Alien, Beloved Creator, Bruce Campbell is another god I worship, Deadites, Death Bed?, Facemelt, Freddy Krueger, Freddy Lounds, Gollum, Jack Torrance, Jurassic Park, Marion Crane, Miguel the trophy, Movie deaths, Mufasa, My Precious, Nazi bastards, Praise be to The IPC, Psycho, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Red Dragon, Sauron was my bro, Slimy Lawyer, The Evil Dead, The Lion King, The Lord of the Ring: The Return of the King, The Shining