Tag: MISERABLE

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 5: FIVE ACROSS THE EYES (2006)

March 23, 2016 by theipc

Howdy! This post serves two purposes… 1) I watched a movie on the plane the other day that reminded me of this horrible piece of shit (hope to write about it soon) and 2) Shitfest 2016 is coming!!! We’re working out some procedural kinks but we should have a big announcement ready soon!! We don’t want to not have everything in order and be premature ejac – um – remov – um we just want everything to be solid so […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, Nothing, One Top Hat, SHITFEST 2013!, Very Gory • Tags: A Terrible Piece of Shit, AFTER ALL OF THAT... NO BOOBS, ANGELA BRUNDA, DANIELLE LILLEY, FIVE ACROSS THE EYES MOVIE REVIEW, JENNIFER BARNETT, MIA YI, MISERABLE, SANDRA PADUCH, SHITFEST 2013!, VERONICA GARCIA

FORSAKEN (2016) A VERY, VERY, VERY POOR MOVIE

February 19, 2016 by theipc

I presume that a lot of people question my sanity on a regular basis – not just based on the words I type – or even my sloppy use of the English language – but also because of the movies I talk about out here. Only a few people that have ever read my about page or the three people that remember when I started this might recall that this place was envisioned as a place where my friend and […]

Categories: 2016, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, No Boobs, Nothing, One Top Hat, SATAN!, WHY??? • Tags: David E. Cazares, Deanna Grace Congo, Demi Moore, exorcisms, Fucking Terrible, Kiefer Sutherland, lilith, melty eyes, Micheal Catalano, MISERABLE, nissa nightmare, No Boobs, not even shitfest worthy, ouija boards, Satan and his Buddies

SHITFEST 2015 ~ SUMMER: PAUL BLART: MALL COP 2

August 13, 2015 by theipc

SUBMITTED BY Have you ever watched anything that made you think, “I can’t believe I wasted 90 minutes of my life watching this piece of s***…”? I have. It’s called Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. It’s a horrible piece of garbage filled with slapstick and jokes that aren’t even remotely funny. I don’t know what the writers were thinking when they put the script together but there’s no excuse for this. The original was far from great but comparatively, it’s […]

Categories: 2015, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, No Boobs, Nothing, One Top Hat, SHITFEST 2015: SUMMER, WHY??? • Tags: #creepsiesforever, #crepescrepescrepes, #existentialpigs, #nobroccoli, #nooatmeal, #satanicbestiesforever, #satanicdoorknobs, #sataniceyebrows, #sataniclampsalways, combovers, Daniella Alonso, Eduardo Verástegui, I HATE THIS MOVIE, i heart the creative foxden, Kevin James, MISERABLE, No Boobs, push-ups, Raini Rodriguez, shitfest 2015: summer, TERRIBLE SHIT, they raped the first one

SHITFEST 2015 ~SUMMER: HOT TUB TIME MACHINE 2 (2015)

July 27, 2015 by theipc

SUBMITTED BY: Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015) [Shitfest Review] Hot Tub Time Machine 2 is the sequel that nobody asked for. A sequel that I didn’t think I would even see the light of day after the absolute pile of wank that Hot Tub Time Machine 1 was. It takes our 3 best buds (Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson, Clark Duke) minus the only reason to really watch the first one (John Cusack) and sends them into the future to […]

Categories: 2015, Boobs, FUCKING TERRIBLE, GROSS!!, HUH???, JIZZ, WHY??? • Tags: Adam Scott, ass sex, Bianca Haase, Boobs, Clark Duke, Collette Wolfe, Craig Robinson, Gillian Jacobs, Gretchen Koerner, hot tub time machine 2, i hate rob corddry, I Hated It, i've seen this and it sucked, JIZZ, Kellee Stewart, MISERABLE, Rob Corddry, shitfest 2015: summer, Terrible

SHITFEST 2015: THE EXPENDABLES (2010)

March 9, 2015 by theipc

THIS ENTRY SUBMITTED BY THE VOLUPTUOUS: Shitfest 2015 – The Expendables Once upon a time, a young man named Sylvester Stallone had dreams of becoming a film star. It was a good dream and over the years he made that dream come true. But as he was getting older, he realized that he had so much more to give. After all, he had had a long and storied career, one that any up and coming actor or actress could […]

Categories: 2015, Action, Death and Destruction, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2015, WOAH! • Tags: #GeorgeTakei, action movies, ACTION!!, Alf!!, Antonio Banderas, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Big Schwartzie, Boba Fett!!, Boobs, Bruce Willis, Bullets and Brawn, Chuck Norris, Colleen Camp, DANGER!!!, Dolph Lundgren, ESPIONAGE!!, EXCITEMENT AND FUN, Gene Simmons, George Takei!!, Glen Powell, guns and explosions, Half Ass Reviews, Harrison Ford, Intrigue, Jan de Bont, Jared The Subway Guy!!, Jason Patric, Jason Statham, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Jet Li, Kellan Lutz, Kelsey Grammer, KISS BOOTS!!, Lois Chiles, Lynda Carter, Macho Man Randy Savage!!, Man Boobs Only, MAYHEM!!, Mel Gibson, Mike Hagerty, MISERABLE, no boobs anywhere, Not Very Good, Pretty Stupid, Pretty Stupid But Entertaining In A Way, Quickies, Randy Couture, Ronda Rousey, Sandra Bullock, shitfest 2015, Sly Stallone, Speed 2: Cruise Control Movie Review, Sulu!!, SWORD FIGHTS!!, Sylvester Stallone, Terry Crews, The Expendables 2, The Expendables 3: The Bloggers Cut, THRILLS!!!, Victor Ortiz, Wesley Snipes, Willem Dafoe, Wonder Woman!!, You Wear Your Grand-Dad's Clothes

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SHITFEST 2015: ABDUCTION (2011)

February 19, 2015 by theipc

THIS ENTRY SUBMITTED BY THE YUMMY: Abduction (2011) So, a couple of weeks back, my writing partner, S-Littner and I were ready for a solid night of entertainment, preparing ourselves to start the sexy new season of the anime Highschool DxD. Those familiar with the series probably know exactly what we were anticipating. But those who don’t know anything about the concept and whatnot, these couple of images should give you a vague idea as to what this action-packed show […]

Categories: 2015, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2015 • Tags: ABDUCTION 2011, Alfred Molina, Jason Isaacs (No Relation), Lily Collins, Maria Bello, MISERABLE, No Boobs, shit, shitfest 2015, Sigourney Weaver, SOUNDS LIKE SHIT, STUPID MOVIE, Taylor Lautner, this is the second time for abduction to make shitfest

A SHITFEST 2015 TRIPLE FEATURE! BOO, WRONG TURN 6 AND HOUSE OF BAD

February 18, 2015 by theipc

THIS ENTRY SUBMITTED BY: WHAT THE FUCK??? I spent my hard earned money on renting this shit??? God damn I’m stupid. Horrible from start to finish, this movie stinks more than a homeless man’s underwear. Or even Tim’s. In fact, while I am not a violent person in any way, unless you plan to harm my loved ones, I am going to go ahead and challenge this movie to a fist fight. BOO movie – I’ll be waiting in Britton Circles […]

Categories: 2015, Boobs, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, Cannibal Bastards, FUCKING TERRIBLE, Ghosts, Hostages, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, One Top Hat, SHITFEST 2015, The Triple Play, WHY??? • Tags: Anthony C. Ferrante, Anthony Ilott, Aqueela Zoll, bad haircuts, blaxploitation, boo 2005 movie, boo on boo the 2005 movie, Boobs, Cheryl Bonty, cheryl bonty's boobs, Chris Jarvis, clean abandoned house, drinking blood, EASTERN EUROPEANS, eastern europeans having sex, fucking cannibals, ghost, Heather L. Tyler, heroin, hilbilly sex, house of bad is a terrible movie, house of bad movie, incest, Insane Asylum, Jilon VanOver, LOTS O BOOBS, makes no fucking sense, MISERABLE, miserable cgi, Nicole Rayburn, nipples, no boobs in boo, pimp, Rachel Harland, Rachel Melvin, Roxanne Pallett, Sadie Katz, sadie katz' boobs, sex with sister, sex with underwear on, Shirlene Quigley, shitfest 2015, Small Cast, stirrups, Strippers, telephones, Terri Novak, Terrible, terrible terrible terrible, Three Fingers, Trish Coren, wrong turn 6: last resort, wrong turn six franchise

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HALF ASS REVIEWS: THE EXPENDABLES 3 and SPEED 2: CRUISE CONTROL

December 10, 2014 by theipc

Here we are again….. I had a lot of fun with the first two Expendables movies. They were loud and stupid and tons of shit blew up and there was lots of blood and mayhem. When I found out they pussied it up and made this PG-13 I was really disappointed but we gave it a shot anyway. This starts off ridiculous and just gets worse and then they get rid of the old team for some stupid reason and […]

Categories: 2014, Action, FUCKING TERRIBLE, Half Ass Reviews, HUH???, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Nothing, Two Top Hats, WHY??? • Tags: action movies, Antonio Banderas, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Colleen Camp, Dolph Lundgren, Glen Powell, guns and explosions, Half Ass Reviews, Harrison Ford, Jan de Bont, Jason Patric, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Kellan Lutz, Kelsey Grammer, Lois Chiles, Mel Gibson, Mike Hagerty, MISERABLE, no boobs anywhere, Not Very Good, Pretty Stupid, Randy Couture, Ronda Rousey, Sandra Bullock, Speed 2: Cruise Control Movie Review, Sylvester Stallone, Terry Crews, Victor Ortiz, Wesley Snipes, Willem Dafoe

STEPFATHER 2: MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY (1989) TWO TOP HATS

September 10, 2014 by theipc

You know, I’m not the type of guy who hates sequels or prequels or remakes or that terrible word “reboot” because I’ll watch almost anything and don’t care what version of a movie it is, as long as it’s fucking good. Like – I thought PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3 was the best of the bunch and I LOVED the newest EVIL DEAD while I didn’t really love the first three. Sure there’s some nostalgia from being a kid but they’re really […]

Categories: 2014, 80s, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, No Boobs, Nothing, Two Top Hats, WHY??? • Tags: Caroline Williams, Meg Foster, MEG FOSTER WAS A HOT PIECE OF ASS, MISERABLE, NO REASON FOR THIS, STEPFATHER 2: MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY, TERRIBLE SHIT, Terry O'Quinn, THIS MOVIE CAN GO FUCK ITSELF

SHITFEST 2014: WINTER ~ X-MEN: THE LAST STAND (2006)

February 23, 2014 by theipc

BY: X-Men 3: The Last Stand (2006) Tim The Film Guy is a big nerd and I love my comics and superheroes. The movies have been both good and bad to this genre over the years but very rarely does a steaming pile of shit fly at you like this film did. X Men 3 isn’t alone in the shit comic movie world, it’s joined closely by Spiderman 3 and Green Lantern, but this one has a special place for […]

Categories: 2014, Action, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER, WHY??? • Tags: A PITIFUL THING, BALD KIDS, HALLE BERRY'S BOOBS, HI MUTANT, JUGFACE WAS BETTER THAN THIS, LONG LIVE SHITFEST!!!, MISERABLE, No Boobs, SHITFEST WINTER, THE RAT, This Movie Sucked, TIM THE FILM GUY, TIM'S FILM REVIEWS, X-MEN3 THE LAST STAND MOVIE REVIEW

ANOTHER SHITFEST 2014: WINTER SUPPOSITORY ~ SLAUGHTER DAUGHTER (2012)

February 6, 2014 by theipc

BY: I really did debate on whether or not to put this into SHITFEST. I mean – I LOVE the name of this and that movie poster is pretty cool and I think they tried but…. in the end…. to me… nothing says SHITFEST more than a bad mother fucking psychopath with a bald tattooed fucking head eating his own goddamn fucking jizz. That’s right. Some broad gets dumped on her wedding day so she pulls her fucking hair out […]

Categories: 2014, Boobs, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, I'm Stupid, SHITFEST 2014: WINTER, WHY???, WOAH! • Tags: Boobs, Fucking Shitcrap, LONG LIVE SHITFEST!!!, MISERABLE, Shitfest 2014: Winter, SLAUGHTER DAUGHTER

SHIVER (2012) TWO TOP HATS

December 16, 2013 by theipc

Severed heads in a jar???? CHECK!! Danielle Harris???? CHECK!! John Jarratt (from WOLF CREEK) CHECK!!!! The Starship Trooper???? CHECK!!!! And then →→→→→→→→→ this movie went out and totally totally sucked some balls. I don’t really want to get into the topic of ball sucking because I get enough pervy Googlers out here, but, by using that term I mean it’s not good. From the opening scene where Jarratt is in a diner fantasizing about the hot, teenage waitress all chained […]

Categories: 2013, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Nothing, Thriller, Two Top Hats • Tags: Casper van Dien, Danielle Harris, Heads in A Jar, I Still Heart Danielle Harris, John Jarratt, Lisa Foiles, Mckenzie Coffee, MISERABLE, Nikita Esco, No Boobs, No Nothin', No Sex, Rae Dawn Chong, Savannah Johnson, Shiver 2012 Movie Review, Valerie Harper

NOTHING LEFT TO FEAR (2013) YAWNSVILLE

November 8, 2013 by theipc

Faced with an afternoon of nothing to do the day before I started writing this, I was browsing the cable company’s offerings of newly released horror and came across this – produced by none other than rock immortal Slash and starring Clancy Brown!! The trailer looked pretty good and even though a quick look at IMDB indicated that everyone hated it – I still pulled the trigger and gave it a watch. Very surprisingly, the trolls on the IMDB message […]

Categories: 2013, Boobs, Drama, Found Footage, FUCKING TERRIBLE, Ghosts, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, Nothing, One Top Hat, WHY??? • Tags: 1972 Yellowhouse Movie Review, Anne Heche, Boobs, Clancy Brown, Exit 91 Summerland Movie Review, Found Footage, Fucking Stupid, Ghosts, Heather Roop, Jennifer Stone, Josh Pomer, Megan Dewitt, MISERABLE, No Boobs, Nothing Left to Fear Movie Review, Rebekah Brandes, Satan and his Buddies, Sean Maurer, Stupid

HOLLOW (2011) BULLSHIT

October 14, 2013 by theipc

A few weeks ago I had to take some time off to get some work done around my house. One of those days I actually had some peace and sat down with the dAgs to watch something on TV. There’s was NOTHING on my cable provider, iTunes or in my possession that I wanted to watch and I came across this thing. When I first started this place, it was just for a couple of friends and I to go […]

Categories: 2013, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Nothing, WHY??? • Tags: Emily Plumtree, Found Footage, Hollow 2011 Movie Review, Jessica Ellerby, MISERABLE, No Boobs, Sam Stockman, Shitsville, SUCKY, Underwear

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ THE FORGOTTEN

September 25, 2013 by theipc

BY: TERRY MALLOYS’ PIGEON COOP THE FORGOTTEN Before we go any further, I thought it best to warn people that I am going to spoil this film. As in I’m going to give away the big reveal at the end, but you’re not missing much so it probably doesn’t matter. Now, I think most of us can agree that Julianne Moore is a reasonably inoffensive actress; some may even like her. As such, I had no qualms about slinging on […]

Categories: 2013, Drama, HUH???, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013: FALL • Tags: Alfre Woodard, Aliens, Christopher Kovaleski, Dominic West, Jessica Hecht, Julianne Moore, Linus Roache, MISERABLE, No Boobs, Stupid, TERRY MALLOYS PIGEON COOP, THE FORGOTTEN MOVIE REVIEW, There's a guy named Linus in this

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ ONLY GOD FORGIVES

September 12, 2013 by theipc

BY: THE IPC I might take a little heat for this one but – so be it. In any case, here goes: *spoilers* More painful and worse than an ingrown hair in your eyebrow, here comes a movie about people staring at each other for an hour and a fucking half. I have actually written about and talked about how I am a guy who actually likes less dialogue in a movie than more, but I would prefer the characters […]

Categories: 2013, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2013: FALL, Very Gory, WHY??? • Tags: EAT SHIT, GOD DOES NOT FORGIVE THIS MOVIE, Kristin Scott Thomas, MISERABLE, Nothing, Only God Forgives Movie Review, PEOPLE STARING AT EACH OTHER, Ryan Gosling, SHITFEST 2013: FALL!, Vithaya Pansringarm, Yayaying Rhatha Phongam

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 28: ABDUCTION (2011)

May 23, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: 5 WORD MOVIE REVIEWS Abduction Sharkboy’z N The Hood. (Sorry) 00:01 Points for the funky opening credit song. 00:03 What it is it about Taylor Lautner that he doesn’t seem to have any expression in the upper half of his face? He has the most prominent browbone in history. It must be like wearing a baseball cap all the time and never being able to take it off! 00:04 Contractually-obligated shirtless scene to appease the Twilight fans. Can we get on […]

Categories: 2013, Action, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Most Unclean, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: ABDUCTION 2011, Alfred Molina, Jason Isaacs (No Relation), Lily Collins, Maria Bello, MISERABLE, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2013!, Sigourney Weaver, STUPID MOVIE, Taylor Lautner