by theipc
Unsatisfying.
Categories: 2017, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, Drama, No Boobs, Nothing, Two Top Hats • Tags: Bloody, boring as fuck, decapitation, Emma Roberts, James Remar, Kiernan Shipka, Lauren Holly, long and sucky, lucy boynton, Murder!!, No Boobs, piano solo, satan i think, Snow, the blackcoat's daughter, Veronica Cormier
by theipc
Hello! For any of you still out there, you know that this site was developed to talk shit about shit movies – with shitty writing – but, as the site grew, we occasionally found something good to slap out here. I haven’t had the time – or been compelled – to write much lately but i have watched some good things over the last month. Train to Busan was FUCKING GREAT! Logan was pretty excellent. I thought Hollow Point was […]
Categories: 2017, Death and Destruction, Devil Week, Excitement, Four Top Hats, I LOVED IT, No Boobs, SATAN! • Tags: Ethan Embry, gibson flying v guitar, Haunted House, Jamie Tisdale, Kiara Glasco, metallica, Murder!!, Mylinda Royer, No Boobs, Pruitt Taylor Vince, Satan!!, Sean Byrne, Serial Killer, Shiri Appleby, station wagons, The Devil!!, the devil's candy, the loved ones
by theipc
Hello! Welcome to another installment of the rarely used IPC space! Like my last post a month ago, today I’ll visit another 80s horror i had never heard of until the other day which, like that previous post, this movie also suffers from some lameness but at least it doesn’t have that ugly bald guy from The Hills Have Eyes and not one gets a fucking spider in their mouth. Although… well, let’s get to that later. So, what the […]
Categories: 2017, 80s, Boobs, Drive - In, Grindhouse, Slasher, Three Top Hats • Tags: Bill Hitchcock, Buddy Cooper, chopping off heads, Connie Rogers, fall break, fish hook, Frances Raines, Matt Mitler, Murder!!, one set of boobs, Ruth Martinez, Slasher, terrible theme, the mutilator movie
by theipc
Well…. hello there! The other day I watched a movie while I was not on an airplane and decided to break my silence and talk about it. My silence is caused by an unrelenting and unbelievable stress of work… I’ve never worked this hard in my life – CRY CRY CRY – anyway, I am going to position this post in the way that this movie positions itself – meaning, the dialogue will be screwy but we’re dusting off the […]
Categories: 2016, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, HUH???, No Boobs, Three Top Hats • Tags: Bob Balaban, Erin Boyes, Ghosts, hair combing, Haunted House, i am the pretty thing that lives in the house, long, lucy boynton, Murder!!, netflix, No Boobs, Paula Prentiss, rotary phones, ruth wilson, upside down chair on a wall
by theipc
Given the course of human events, this movie should be something I absolutely love. Bad acting, topless chicks, loads of blood, bottomless chicks, bad acting and a lot of spanking. I feel that I tolerate a lot, as I bear witness on this page, and I can deal with the bad shit, but this movie…. was just really, really, really….. not good. I mean, if we look at those Slumber Party Massacre movies I referenced above, the acting and production […]
Categories: 2016, 80s, Boobs, Drive - In, Two Top Hats • Tags: #tacos, Amy Morris, Andrea Alfonso, beaver, Bianca Allaine, Bikinis, boobs blood and body counts, Brandon Smith, cheerleaders, Christine Bell, cowboy boots, die die delta pie, dildos, I Loved It, Julin, Katy Rowe, Keisha Burchard, Kerry Beyer, Kristin Avery, Krystal Pixie Adams, LEGS, Lexi Balestrieri, masks, Megan Moser, Moonlight Canoeing, Murder!!, Not Very Good, Olivia Blake, Roxy Vandiver, slashers, sororities, Spirit Camp (2009), stabbing, Tanya Christiansen, tits and ass, Used Rubbers, Weed
by theipc
Earlier this morning I thought of the lame title for this post and then had to work and debated about whether or not to even try and write about it but then, with numbers on my mind (considering the title) my last three posts (as of the time of this sitting) all had “number of comments” at Prime Numbers – 19, 37, 53 – so I figured I might as well go after it. Those numbers might change by the time […]
Categories: 2016, Four Top Hats, I'm Sorry, No Boobs, Western • Tags: a guy from weeds, bad coffee, Blow Jobs, broken doors, Bruce Dern, Channing Tatum, civil war, close the fucking door!!, dingus, Jennifer Jason Leigh, kurt russel, Michael Madsen, Murder!!, No Boobs, old socks, old west, poison, Quentin Tarantino, Samuel L Jackson, snow and blood, stagecoaches, the fucking weinsteins, the hateful eight, tim roth, Walton Goggins, Zoe Bell
by theipc
Here it is – the only thing I’ve ever been consistent with – here’s the 5th annual posting of this little beauty which was my first post ever to get noticed by anyone. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! This is year two three four (five)) for this post and this one is kind of special to me.This movie is not very good but this was the first post of mine to ever get tweeted and facebooked and be – I don’t know – it kind of […]
Categories: 80s, Boobs, Drive - In, Holidays, Slasher, Two Top Hats • Tags: Anita Crane, batshit, Boobs, crazy fucker, Grant Cramer, Jeannie Anderson, Kip Niven, Louisa Moritz, lunacy, Murder!!, New Year's Evil 1980 Movie Review, Roz Kelly, Slasher, Taaffe O'Connell, Teri Copley
by theipc
A long time ago I put a widget on my sidebar reminding myself of shit that I watched but still needed to write about. It was mainly for my own good but then I got notice that I was losing my job and my creativity and desire to do some good writin’ kind of petered out so I just sat around watching TV until my last day and then I’ve sat around watching TV ever since the end of August. […]
Categories: 2015, Boobs, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, Found Footage, Ghosts, HUH???, I'm Stupid, JIZZ, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Nothing, THEY CAME FROM THE BOX!!!, Three Top Hats, Thriller, Two Top Hats • Tags: 2008, Alberta Watson, Alessa Aichinger, anna kendrick, Anne Bancroft, Anne Parillaud, Artsy Fartsy, artsy nudity, Audria Ayers, babies, bangkok, bathroom sex, Ben Wiggins, blowjobs, Boobs, Bosoms, bowling alleys, brian johnson is a horny frenchman, bridget fonda, bridget fonda getting humped, broken side of time, burning alive, cam2cam, Cecelia Elizabeth Cecelia Elizabeth, Clifton Collins Jr., corsets, crazy people, creep 2014, creep 2015, daisy dukes, dance number, David Thewlis, David Thewlis pounded in the butt, DEATH, Decollatage, Dermot Mulrone, doesn't make much sense, Don Francks, Drugs, Ella Smith, england, Eugene Robert Glazer, Found Footage, Frankie Ingrassia, Frenchmen, Gabriel Byrne, Gemma Arterton, gemma arterton boobs, Gemma Arterton has nice cans, gemma arterton is a babe, gemma arterton's ass, Geoffrey Lewis, Harvey Keitel, horny frenchmen, hugging, Jacki Weaver, Jade Tailor, Jason Clarke, jessica maz, Jessica Mazo, Jim Sturgess, Kate Beckinsale, Kate Beckinsale's boobs, Kate Beckinsale's tits, la femme nikita, Lake Bell, lake bell can lake my bell any time, lake bell is hot, lake bell's boobs, Laura Chéron, LEGS, Leon, Lorraine Toussaint, Lynn Mancinelli, Marc Duret, mental institute, mental ward, Michael Pink as Jesus, Michael Rapaport, Miguel Ferrer, Mister Whiskers, Murder!!, No Boobs, NUDITY, Olivia d'Abo, Olivia Whelan, Patrick Fontana, Peta Wilson, photography, psychosis, RYAN REYNOLDS, Sarah Bonrepaux, sexy photos, SHITFEST!!, shoot em up, short hairdos, slinky dresses, Stéphane Fey, stonehearst asylum, stupid wolf mask, Table Nine Mutant, talking cats, Talking Dogs, Tammin Sursok, thailand, the point of no return, The Professional, the voices 2014, This Movie Sucked, tits, Tiziana Guarini, under still waters, voyeur, webcam, Wine
by theipc
One day I was sitting around, minding my own business, trying not to bother anyone and get yelled at, when my good friend and dear fn Laura made a post about this movie. At first I was intrigued by her use of the word “pootling” but then I read further and this sounded like something I’d like. So, what did I do? I rented the mother fucker and totally loved it. The opening is actually quite good looking and the […]
Categories: 2015, Action, Death and Destruction, Four Top Hats, I LOVED IT, No Boobs, SATAN!, Very Gory • Tags: Bryan Larkin, car sex, davos, Douglas Russell, face to the foot cleaner, gay sex, great music, Hanna Stanbridge, head in the freezer, let us prey movie, Liam Cunningham, lucifer, Murder!!, Niall Greig Fulton, No Boobs, Pollyanna McIntosh, prison cells, Satan!!, smoking and drinking, The Woman, very bad men, Very Good
by theipc
Sorry to bust into Shitfest like this but I need to address something and ask a few questions. It looks like Shitfest is going to go well into August so I wanted to do this now – As some of you may know, I’ve had a movie rolling around in my mind for several years now. It’s a hard R rated, Grindhouse style throwback about drug smuggling, murder and, of course, lots of skin. Well, I wrote a treatment for […]
Categories: 2015, 70s, Boobs, Death and Destruction, Drive - In, Excitement, Grindhouse, JIZZ, Slasher, Very Gory • Tags: burning alive, clutch, cockroach, dope, drink to the dead, fucking, full on violence, grease sherman, GUNS, Hookers, jails, mexicans, Murder!!, raising hell movie, small towns, Strippers, Sweaty, testicle blow torch, Weed
by David
This post by David at TMI. Click here for Part 2 with Eric and The IPC. Our story goes . . . one particularly uneventful Saturday evening, on a particularly starry night, in the early weeks of 1981, two boys, having never met, watch the same episode of BBC’s The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Hours later, they both dream the same dream of being Arthur Dent (and totally making it with Trillian) when Zaphod Beeblebrox initiates the Heart of […]
Categories: 80s Encore • Tags: chrisitan slater, Comedy, Dark, girls, heathers, HUMOR, Murder!!, satire, shannen doherty, winona ryder
by theipc
Well, my Most Beloveds…. it’s been a long time since I had to do one of these but I’ve come across another movie so vile it gets the Most Unclean treatment. There’s a page dedicated to these things that you can find on my sidebar or up at the top on your phone. I always advise caution when looking at that page though. I ESPECIALLY advise that you make an informed decision about whether or not you want to go […]
Categories: 2015, Boobs, FUCKING TERRIBLE, GROSS!!, HUH???, Most Unclean, Movie Reviews, Very Gory, WHY???, WOAH! • Tags: Found Footage, Most Unclean, Murder!!, pennance 2009, someone cuts his own balls off, Strippers, Torture
by theipc
AVENGED (2013)In this movie, a very frail and feeble, deaf and mute girl inherits a bad-ass muscle car from her dead dad. She then decides to drive it across the country to move in with her boyfriend. Somewhere out west in the U.S., she pulls over to take a fucking selfie, witnesses a murder, then gets murdered herself. Luckily for her, there’s the evil spirit of an American Indian nearby who decides to inhabit her dead body and bring […]
Categories: 2015, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, Ghosts, Grindhouse, Half Ass Reviews, HUH???, No Boobs, Nothing, Three Top Hats, Two Top Hats • Tags: Amanda Adrienne, avenged movie 2013, black widow sex, Boobs, bows and arrows, dead indian spirits, deaf and mute, fucking selfies, gut pulling, Half Ass Reviews, Murder!!, muscle cars, not believable, NOT SO GOOD, Ronnie Gene, savaged movie 2013, scarlett johansson's bouncy boobs, scarlett johnasson humping a ball, skulls, the avengers 2, the avengers are war criminals, the deaf girl is very cute though, the hulk jizzes, the hulk shits, Tom Ardavany, war crimes, Willow Hale
by theipc
I think the Most Beloved reader out here will understand that this is the type of movie I usually like. Probably something no one else will, except for maybe Filmnerd or Foxden – but something I would enjoy. Some people are out in the woods and getting hunted down one by one, hot chicks get undressed, maybe there’s some lovin’ and loads of blood splashing across the screen. Well, aside from some people out in the woods getting hunted down […]
Categories: 2015, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Nothing, Two Top Hats • Tags: a character named Duke, blood reservoir 2014, buried treasure, Felissa Rose, Hannah Landberg, i have to go pee - don't look, Jessica Mazo, John J Thomassen, Johnny Alicea, Jonathan Tiersten, Lorrie Bacon, low budget indie, Murder!!, No Boobs, people in the woods, sleepaway camp angelas's penis, Underwear
by theipc
I REALLY wanted to like SPRING more than I did – especially after reading about it HERE – but I didn’t and despite how good it looks and the icky special effects, this suffered – to me – from the thing I hate most (aside from tires screeching on dirt roads and cell phones with dial tones) – too much fucking talking…. I think I’ll probably be in the minority of people who think this is boring but this site […]
Categories: 2015, GROSS!!, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Three Top Hats, Thriller, Very Gory, WOAH! • Tags: ageless, Augie Duke, Boobs, bouncy bikini gif, irishmen, italy, Jeremy Gardner, looks good, Lou Taylor Pucci, monster baby, Murder!!, Nadia Hilker, Sex, Shane Brady, shape shifting monsters, spring movie 2014, TOO MUCH TALKING, Vanessa Bednar, vineyards, Vinny Curran
by theipc
Ward’s wife is a bitch and everyone hates her. She treats Ward like a cunt and berates him in front of his friends and family. She smokes while she breastfeeds and throws things at him while he’s taking a shit. One day someone says “We should kill her and bury her and make all of our lives easier.” It’s no spoiler that one day, someone does just that. What follows is a very low budget VERY BAD THINGS that is […]
Categories: 2015, Boobs, Drama, Movie Reviews, Three Top Hats, WOAH! • Tags: Amy Acker, Ava Carpinello, birthday cake, Butts, chimneys, chopping up a body, Dagmara Dominczyk, Donald Faison, Greg Grunberg, James Carpinello, Jeanine Harrington, Jennifer McComb, let's kill ward's wife movie review, Marika Dominczyk, Murder!!, Nicollette Sheridan, No Boobs, nosy cops, Patrick Wilson, Reid Cox, Scott Foley, Sex, smoking, thighs, toilets, Underwear, Veronika Dominczyk
by theipc
EDEN (2012) For those of us that grew up where I live and went to grade school together and had to take “Bible Class”, we all know that God went and created Adam out of mud – right over there in the Middle East, along the Tigris and Euphrates rivers. He then realized that Adam was horny so he made Eve out of Adam’s BONE so Adam could do some fuckin’ and they had the Garden of Eden and the […]
Categories: 2015, Boobs, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, Found Footage, Half Ass Reviews, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, Nothing, Three Top Hats, Thriller • Tags: adam and eve, Ana Shaw, baby daddys, beau bridges, Bhama Roget, Boobs, cain sleweth able, eden movie 2012, Elliott Armstrong, eurotrip guy, found footage crap, Gina Travis, hoohaws, i love you, infliction 2014 movie, Jamie Chung, Jason Mac, JEFF BRIDGES, judges, kittens, Laura Kai Chen, lloyd bridges, Mahri Shelton, Matt O'Leary, Murder!!, north carolina, old barns, penis biting, Scott Mechlowicz, Sex, sex kittens, sex trafficking, Tantoo Cardinal, the bridges family, the garden of eden, Tracey Fairaway, Vanessa Ore, video tapes, wee wees, wrong turn 11
by theipc
The majority of this site, for better or worse, is to watch and talk about the shittiest movies on the planet or, more importantly, hold a SHITFEST which people seem to enjoy. I also tend to prefer stuff off the radar – like independent films to talk about, because the big mainstream blockbusters are usually covered by other people and what could I say that would be a draw that hasn’t already been said (thus the point of the Half […]
Categories: 2015, Excitement, Four Top Hats, I LOVED IT, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Noir, Thriller • Tags: basements, Billy Bob Thornton, blackmail, Bruce Dern, Chilton Crane, cut bank movie 2014, I Loved It, John Malkovich, Liam Hemsworth, lunchbox, mail fraud, mailmen, Matt Shakman, Michael Stuhlbarg, Murder!!, No Boobs, norman rockwell, Oliver Platt, parcel, Peyton Kennedy, Roberto Patino, small town crime, Sonya Salomaa, Teresa Palmer
by theipc
Have you seen or heard of this? I never had and only watched it because Guy Pearce is in it. This movie was so fucking sad and depressing from the start that I almost turned it off a few times. This movie is about a missing daughter, mental illness and anguish that comes from not knowing what’s happened to your kid. It’s told in three depressing parts and it’s so sad you need to bring some tissues. It’s a very […]
Categories: 2015, Australian, Boobs, Drama, Four Top Hats, Movie Reviews, Thriller, WOAH! • Tags: australians, Boobs, contests, Dancing, Guy Pearce, i am you (2009), in her skin (2009), Justine Clarke, Kate Bell, Kidnapping!!, mental disorders, Miranda Otto, Murder!!, Rebecca Gibney, Ruth Bradley, Sam Neill, The Sex, WHOSE BOOBS
by theipc
Here we go with another anthology… I like these things because it’s always good to see a bunch of filmmakers trying out new stuff even if some of it is rather shitty… I remember just being SO SO about the first one, which you could check out HERE if you liked. I even started watching that again one day when I was bored out of my brain but couldn’t get past the F is for Fart segment. But anyway, I […]
Categories: 2014, Boobs, Grindhouse, HUH???, Movie Reviews, Short Film, Three Top Hats, Thriller, Very Gory, WHY???, WOAH! • Tags: A is for Amateur (directed by E.L. Katz), B is for Badger (directed by Julian Barratt), BEHEADING, Boobs, BROKEN LEGS, C is for Capital Punishment (directed by Julian Gilbey), D is for Deloused (directed by Robert Morgan), E is for Equilibrium (directed by Alejandro Brugués), F is for Falling (directed by Aharon Keshales and Navot Papushado), G is for Grandad (directed by Jim Hosking), H is for Head Games (directed by Bill Plympton), Hookers, I is for Invincible (directed by Erik Matti), J is for Jesus (directed by Dennison Ramalho), K is for Knell (directed by Kristina Buozyte and Bruno Samper), L is for Legacy (directed by Lancelot Imasuen), M is for Masticate (directed by Robert Boocheck), Murder!!, N is for Nexus (directed by Larry Fessenden), O is for Ochlocracy (mob rule) (directed by Hajime Ohata), P is for P-P-P-P SCARY! (directed by Todd Rohal), PISSED UNDERWEAR, Q is for Questionnaire (directed by Rodney Ascher), R is for Roulette (directed by Marven Kren), S is for Split (directed by Juan Martinez Moreno), T is for Torture Porn (directed by Jen and Sylvia Soska), THE ABCs OF DEATH 2, U is for Utopia (directed by Vincenzo Natali), V is for Vacation (directed by Jerome Sable), VENTILATION SHAFTS, W is for Wish (directed by Steven Kostanski), WANKERS, X is for Xylophone (directed by Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo), Y is for Youth (directed by Soichi Umezawa), Z is for Zygote (directed by Chris Nash)
by theipc
I know my man Cage has made some shitty movies lately – or – for a long time now, but I still love the guy. I’m not sure why this movie exists but I watched it anyway and – sure – I liked it OK. I thought it was better than Bangkok Dangerous and those Ghost Rider movies and whatever that one was where he was a wizard or something – oh – and the misery that exists as The […]
Categories: 2014, Action, I'm Stupid, No Boobs, Three Top Hats, Thriller • Tags: FISTS, GUNS, Knives, MOBS, Murder!!, Nicolas Cage, No Boobs, Rachel Nichols, RACHEL NICHOLS BOOBS, RACHEL NICHOLS IS HOT SHIT, RAGE 2014 MOVIE REVIEW, RUSSIANS
by theipc
I kind of like this poster that I found out there (above) – this is the one I got with my copy 😦 : LOL – this movie! I watched this during the last SHITFEST and it was…. not good. Here’s pretty much how I work: I wake up around four or five AM my time and have a morning piss / check emails, go back to bed until that fucking infernal alarm goes goes off, get back up and […]
Categories: 2014, Boobs, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, FUCKING TERRIBLE, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Nothing, Two Top Hats, WHY??? • Tags: ASHAMED, Boobs, Christine Lakin, DARK MIRROR MOVIE REVIEW, David Chisum, DEAD MOM GHOST, Ghosts, Joshua Pelegrin, Lisa Vidal, Murder!!, OPTICAL ILLUSIONS, Terrible, WHAT AN ASSHOLE OF A MOVIE, YOGA
by theipc
Have you ever heard of this one? If not – I hope I can motivate you to make the right choice and go rent this or catch it on DVR or something because this movie is excellent. And I’m not saying that because I’m one of those people who get a boner for Cronenberg (Boners For Croner!!) I’m just saying that this movie really does it for me. It’s nice and slow and doesn’t come across as pretentious art house […]
Categories: Boobs, Drama, Four Top Hats, Movie Reviews, Thriller • Tags: Boobs, David Cronenberg, David Cronenberg's Spider Movie Review, Drama / Thriller, Gabriel Byrne, John Neville, Lynn Redgrave, Miranda Richardson, Murder!!, No Actual Spider are Involved in This, Plumbers, Ralph Fiennes, Sara Stockbridge, Tara Ellis
by theipc
HI!! Welcome to the opening ceremonies for SHITFEST 2013!! This is a Film Festival / Contest where we will be discussing and showcasing the shittiest movies we’ve seen! The rules are very simple: no genre limitation (although horror is preferred), no year of release limitation and it doesn’t have to be something you just sat down and watched last night (as in: it can be something you’ve already written about that you would like to include here). There will be […]
Categories: 2013, Action, Cannibal Bastards, Drama, Drive - In, Excitement, Five Top Hats, Found Footage, Giallo, Grindhouse, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Boobs, Five Top Hats, FUN, Insanity, Intrigue, Murder!!, Mystery!!, SCROTEY, Sex, SHITFEST 2013!
